


Hold Up Your Head and Run

by CJTodd2



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Fast and Loose With Lore in Canon, Gen, Healing, Not Naruto Epilogue Compliant, On the Run, Post-Chapter 698 (Naruto), Post-Fourth Shinobi War, Shinobi System, Survivor Guilt, Team Taka Deserved Better, The Uchiha Child Sarada Should Have Been, The Uchiha Clan Deserved Better, Trauma, Uchiha Sarada But Not Really
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-03
Updated: 2019-06-17
Packaged: 2019-06-21 02:45:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 32,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15547872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CJTodd2/pseuds/CJTodd2
Summary: Sasuke didn't think he'd survive his battle with Itachi, but he did. He didn't think he would survive his final battle with Naruto, but he did. Now he has to live, but not in Konoha.





	1. Always Imprisoned

Sometimes, Sasuke thinks he should have ran for it.

Ran as fast and as far as he could have managed.

Ran, so he wouldn’t be blind and bound in a damp cell.

Ran before facing off against Naruto in what he thought be the very last time, and losing, but living still. His stump where his arm had once been always aches in remembrance when he thinks of their last fight.

Any of the rage and resolve for change and vengeance had seemed to leave his body right along with his arm. After that, he felt a bit lost of what to do next. Itachi would have wanted to protect Konoha, and he understands it, but he isn't his brother.

If there was one thing a person has when locked up, it was a lot of time to think; time to consider things.  

Sasuke knows he could have done some things better. Some decisions a bit too rash, blinded by his pain to truly work, and emotional. He is someone who is ruled by his emotions, and some might think him a fool for it, but he tried to remember something his one of his uncles had told him once when he was small. “You’ve got your mother’s fire in you. Not like your brother. ”

His memories of the past and his family were always hazy. Bits and pieces stood out while others were out of reach; it hurt too much to dwell on them. That had been something he held onto. Because Uncle Naozumi had said it with a smile; that he wasn’t like his brother and it was a good thing. When he’d been that small, having something Itachi didn’t was enough. Something purely his was enough.

He was emotional, and he’d made some mistakes, but that didn’t mean he thought of himself as a criminal. Truthfully, nearly all his assassination attempts of any kind almost all hadn’t worked out well. They were shinobi. Shinobi fought. It was just a matter of principles. Sasuke could see the Kages taking offense at him saying he was going to kill them, but he hadn’t actually killed any of them. Unlike, _someone else_ who had done much worse in the matter of mistakes and hadn’t taken residence in the next cell over.

It irked a bit, or a lot.

Sasuke tries not to dwell on it. Tries not to dwell on most things. He could think all he wants, but if he started to dwell, that was when it would start to hurt.

As much as seeing Naruto had once filled him with warmth, and an almost _wholeness_ he hadn’t felt in so long, there was a tinge of bitterness on his tongue that wouldn’t go away. Naruto _said_ he understood him. Naruto _said_ he would shoulder his hatred and pain. Naruto _said_ he hurt when Sasuke hurt, and yet-- Naruto left him in the cell. Like a criminal. Like some kind of _monster_ that need to be caged so it didn't hurt anyone .

Sasuke had looked up to Kakashi. He had thought maybe Kakashi understood just a bit, but really all Kakashi saw was a traitor. Kakashi didn’t understand his feelings. He understood that ‘those who abandon their comrades are _trash_ ’. Kakashi understood Sasuke left and that was all, the reasonings didn’t matter much in the end. Kakashi saw a traitor.

Kakashi would visit on occasion and there would be an ache in Sasuke’s hands; to _hurt_ him. Kakashi had once seemed so strong and untouchable when Sasuke was a small genin. Still, it wasn’t arrogance that made him think if Sasuke were at peak condition and not bound he could hurt Kakashi easily.

Sasuke still remembers how offended Kakashi had been when he had put Sakura in a genjutsu to get her off his back. He told her how he felt with her fallacies of love, and Kakashi had the nerve to condemn him for it. As if Sasuke couldn’t manage thoughts of his own, feelings of his own; the spiteful whisper in his head would remind him of those thoughts whenever he heard Kakashi’s voice.

Most of the time in his cell, Sasuke feels empty.

He almost prefers the hollowness when compared to the latter.

It's familiar.

Safe.

He still clings to his wish. The small regret.

That he had ran for it when he had the chance.

Ran before being roped into a farce of a war.

Ran before Madara and Obito and all their bullshit.

Ran before fighting Itachi.

Instead of running to Orochimaru, he should have just ran away. Far away. Away from all of it. Everything.

He should have ran the night his parents blood ran beneath his feet.

Away, far, fast.

Realistically, he knows it never could have worked, but it was an almost comforting thought. It didn’t make T&I any better, but it was something he has that was his and his alone. Nothing seemed to be his, but everyone else’s too. His choices never seemed to be his alone.

Always what about Itachi. Always what about Naruto.

It almost made him chuckle. With how different they were, the two of them were kind of similar. They both sought to control Sasuke in their own ways, to chose for him, that they knew what was best. They were both undeniably precious to him, but in the privacy of his own mind Sasuke would admit it, both Itachi and Naruto were pretty selfish.

Sasuke feels like he never had much choice. Always controlled. It makes him wonder if he had always been a prisoner since the day his clan died. They could just add the bars and seals and blindfold for a while. He wonders if he ever got out if he’d still be a prisoner even when they took off the chains.

He had to choke down a gag whenever he dwells on it too long. He didn’t want those feelings to evolve into something else. Better to be empty.

Sometimes he thinks about his team. He thinks about Team 7 as many would expect, but also Taka: _his team_. That was something he had chose. He’d chose them all to help hunt Itachi, but he didn’t force them to come with him. Regardless of anything else, Team Taka had felt like his own choice. All four of them were very different people with different goals. They still respected one another, never trying to change each other to fit their own ideals. Sasuke didn’t really expect the odd cohesion his team had, even with Suigetsu and Karin bickering. It was his team, even if they were all weirdos: Juugo, Suigetsu, and Karin.

He hopes they're okay.

They’d found out Karin is an Uzumaki, so maybe she is in Konoha. It seemed like something Naruto would insist on. He’d heard something involving them as Orochimaru’s subordinates, but he figured it had to be a rumor. Even if Juugo and Karin went back for whatever reason, Sasuke knew Suigetsu would never. Suigetsu would probably chew off his own arm first. It brings a bitter smile to his mouth. The thought of Suigetsu, who was always so indifferent and with an odd love for killing, showing off his cowardly side probably using Juugo and even Karin as barriers to hide behind.

The bitterness of it sticks to his teeth. Suigetsu is _terrified_ of Orochimaru. If all three had nowhere else, what if they did gone back to him? Suigetsu never had a choice, Juugo had been a willing prisoner because of his seal, and Karin had chose to follow Orochimaru. He hates the thought that while he was behind bars his team might no longer be free either.

Juugo hates his seal, but loves to be outside. He loves the sun. Suigetsu values any space he gets to move, to just wander and see everything there is. Karin doesn't like to admit it, but having a choice means a lot to her. They all just want to be free. That was all. They treasure their freedom.

“Hey, Sasuke, wakey wakey!”

Either his time imprisoned was starting to mess with his head, or Suigetsu is a bigger idiot than Sasuke thought.

“This is a genjutsu.”

“Nope, we’re really breaking you out of this joint.”

Another familiar voice adds, “That is, we will be breaking you out, if that is okay with you Sasuke. If you wish to remain we will not.”

Sasuke had thought Juugo had more sense than Suigetsu, but apparently not.

Sasuke hisses, “That is not the point. What are you doing here? You need to go before you get caught!”

“That’s why Karin’s not here fussing up a storm.” Suigetsu explains, “She’s our lookout. Juugo and I incapacitated the guards. There weren’t that many really guarding you. Juugo didn’t even lose his shit and I didn’t even kill any, you should be proud. Anyway, Karin got ahold of some old Uzumaki seals specifically made for escaping seizure, so let’s hope they overpower those ones on you. Should get that blindfold off you first though. Just gotta slip through the bars.”

Sasuke listens with bated breath until he feels cool fingers against his temple, gently untying the covering over his eyes. The whirlwind of emotion in his chest swirls and makes him tremble with anticipation. The idiots. _His_ idiots. Of course they’d try and orchestrate some insane escape plan. Everything he had tried to keep buried seemed to come to his throat when he sees Suigetsu’s eyes. Juugo stands just outside the cell with a gentle smile. Sasuke couldn’t really bring himself to care about what he must look like, or what the expression on his face must be.

He could only manage one word.

“Why?" He asks.

Suigetsu crouches down on the ground and gives Sasuke a sharp toothed grin “You’re the one who gave us freedom, Sasuke. Why do you think we wouldn’t give you the same?”

 


	2. Run Boy Run

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Holidays. Here's a present.

Karin greets them once they’re out of the T&I building. The streets are quiet and dark. Sasuke shivers in the cool air wearing nothing but a threadbare shirt and pants. Karin pulls a cloak out of her heavy backpack and tosses it at him.

“Thank you,” He says.

Karin nods, “I’m trying to keep track of the big fish in this village and that chakra beacon friend of yours. We need to move quickly.”

Talk can wait.

Silently, swiftly, unseen.

They keep in the shadows. Peacetime always makes a village lower it’s shoulders, less patrols, less expectation for attack. Almost like they don’t expect their only high ranking prisoner to make a break for it. It seems too easy to slip through the towering gates.

Unlike the other times Sasuke escaped from the red gates, this time he doesn’t stop. He doesn’t waiver. There’s a thumping under his skin that manages to break through the numbness. Karin running ahead, Suigetsu on his left, Juugo bringing up the rear as they rush into the forest. Sasuke has to push chakra into into his muscles to make them move. It wasn’t like he got any exercise in the cell. Juugo offers to carry him, but he refuses. If he’s going to leave, it’s going to be on his own two feet.

Don’t look back.

Don’t think about him.

If Naruto caught him, Sasuke didn’t think he could do it. In his head, he could have his doubts, but when actually faced with the blonde idiot一

Naruto probably wouldn’t even have to open his mouth before Sasuke found himself turning to run right back to Konoha. Back to the cell. Back to the dark, and back to being alone. Even if he tries to fight, he isn’t in much shape to give his all. Naruto would surely put up a fight. Juugo, Suigetsu, and Karin would try but they’d be no match.

He couldn’t be caught. He just needs to run.

Run.

Just run.

The farther away from Konoha they get, a smidge of hope blooms, but Sasuke can’t ignore the ache that follows it. He hadn’t lied when he called Naruto his closest friend. As much as he wanted to be by Naruto’s side, he finally got a chance to run. He could be free. He wonders if Naruto might understand, but knowing Naruto he’d give chase even if everyone else said no; break his legs so Sasuke couldn’t run again. Perhaps the future of the Hokage position would be enough incentive to make Naruto stay put.

They all run in silence through the densely packed trees. They keep off the main roads. Karin seems to know where she’s going. After a couple hours jumping through the canopy none of them ask questions, outside of Juugo offering to carry Sasuke again so they can run at top speed and not have him overexert himself. He grudgingly accepts this time. His chakra control is decent, but not perfect, and his legs had begun to wobble from the strain of trying to regulate it through his weakened muscles.

It’s strangely liberating not to know the plan. To trust his companions to know what they’re doing. Probably because Suigetsu is too busy trying to chug a water bottle as well as one can when running through trees, he doesn’t give Sasuke any cheeky smirks or snide remarks about being carried. Resting against Juugo’s warm back, after so long feeling only the cold concrete of his cell, feels nice. The sun is rising when he sees a town coming up ahead seated not far from the bottom of a small mountain. Stopping in a town still in the Land of Fire would be asking for trouble. It would be better to stick to the wilderness until they make enough ground.

Suigetsu laughs, “Don’t worry this is all part of the plan. Just go back to snuggling with Juugo, Princess.”

Suigetsu’s nonsense isn’t even worth dignifying with an answer, and getting worked up would only encourage him.

“Wouldn’t it be prince for Sasuke, Suigetsu?”Juugo asks, “Sasuke’s a man.”

“You’re right. Prince Sasuke rolls off the tongue better, but I rescued Prince Sasuke from a dungeon like the brave knight I am and yet here you are hogging all the glory.”

Juugo frowns, “I’m not hogging anything. Even if you opened the cell, I was there too. Why can’t I be a knight?”

“Duh, because I have a sword,” Suigetsu explains, “In stories the knight always has a sword.”

“Knights are also honorable”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean!”

Juugo’s nonsense on the other hand, whenever it reared its ugly head, is not so easy to ignore. Juugo plays it off like he’s innocent and he doesn’t mean to tease through his words, that they’re said through naivety, but Sasuke could always see the mischievous glint in his eyes.

“You two need to quit it! Don’t be rude to Sasuke.” Karin demands, “ Get out of the trees and head toward the back road and we’ll make our way into town.”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Sasuke asks

“We’re stopping in Tanzaku Town only for a bit. I remember hearing something about it from Orochimaru something involving the Fifth Hokage and a destroyed tourist attraction. Suigetsu set up a rendezvous point there. We’re getting some things taken care of before we go any further.” Karin explains, “This town is in a good spot so if we end up a with a tail and it goes cold here they won’t know where we’ll be headed. And besides, it’s unexpected. If your enemy expects you to run off and hide in the brush then you might as well do the opposite and take a break in bar.”

“Makes sense.”

Sasuke rests his head against Juugo’s back. Suigetsu demands Karin stop for water before they get to their rendezvous point. Karin says he can wait. Juugo claims that they are all tired, hungry, and thirsty. Sasuke lets the sound of their bickering wash over him. Karin and Suigetsu end up insulting one another, but there’s no real heat behind it. His eyes ache from the new light of the rising sun, so he closes them. The rhythm of Juugo's breath, and steady walk is soothing. The shops are only just starting to open.  A woman pokes her head out the window to despair over the vomit on her stoop. Karin tugs Suigetsu back when he tries to poke a passed-out drunk with his sword.

Sasuke looks up to see the large building they came to; ordained with lanterns and the wood paneling well cared for. A man opens up the sliding door. His dark hair is slicked back, only on one side, and a wakizashi rests against his hip.

“Madam Lou’s been expecting you.”

Juugo puts Sasuke down but keeps a hand on his back to steady him. He’s too tired to be proud. The man raises a brow at Sasuke before walking off, but he’s too sore to really care. The pillows, flowery paper screens, and plush chairs look too obulant for the little tourist town. He knew none of the establishments in Shukubu Town were like this. The woman who walks down the stairs seems even more grandiose. Her pale blonde hair is piled on top of her head in ringlets under a wide brim hat with feathers. Her dress clings to her figure and a fur scrawl falls over her shoulders. The urge to make a comment strikes him, but he ignores it. Her dress doesn’t look very comfortable, but he doesn’t want to offend the woman.

“I see everything went all right. Your room’s the way you left it. I told all the girls to stay out of there.”

“Hey, Madam Lou, you got any food? We’re starved,” Suigetsu whines, “Karin practically wanted me to get dehydrated on the way here. No what she wants is me to evaporate!”

She chuckles,  “I’ll have Matsue bring up something up for you.”

Suigetsu rushes up the stairs followed by the presumed Matsue in a silk kimono balancing a tea tray.

“We’re very grateful, Madam Lou.” Karin bows politely.

“Give and take, it’s all fine. Everyone on my payroll won’t be saying anything about you being here, and we’ll make sure you all are taken care of while you’re in town.It’s no trouble, dear.”

Sasuke could feel Madam Lou’s hooded eyes on him. She reaches up to touch his hair and giggles when he tries to brush her hand away.

“Boy, don’t you look like hell? You’re skinny, greasy haired, you smell, and your under eye bags have bags.” She pats his cheek, “You just go freshen up some.”

Sasuke scoffs. He didn’t expect to look or smell great after getting out of prison. His baths consisted of being hosed down half the time. He tries to discreetly smell himself and tries not to let to wrinkle his nose at the odor. Juugo hadn’t mentioned it. Juugo helps Sasuke up the stairs while Karin goes to yell at Suigetsu to let Sasuke have a bath first. Working up some of his put aside pride, he tries to convince Juugo he can bathe on his own. Suigetsu washes Sasuke’s  hair by force, not even caring when Sasuke tries to smack him for shoving the showerhead right into his face. Juugo at least has the decency to gently wash Sasuke’s back and not say a word as he massages ointment onto his stump. He tells them he’s fine on his own. Suigetsu warns him not to fall asleep and drown after they went to all the trouble.

Alone in the bath, he feels the emptiness coming back.

They aren’t that far from Konoha. He tries to relax in the warm water. He’s running. He’s not in the cell. His team is ridiculous per usual, but they’re safe and okay.  He tries not to think about Konoha; about Naruto. He doesn’t even know what he’s doing. He hadn’t really thought of much beyond revenge. Sasuke never really imagined life after Itachi. He doesn’t have a plan. He wanted to run, but he mostly didn’t want to be in that cell anymore. Karin, Suigetsu, and Juugo seem like they have some semblance of a plan.

Suigetsu peeks his head in, “Fucking idiot, what did I say about falling asleep in the bath?”

Sasuke frowns, “Call me that again and see what happens.”

Suigetsu’s grin would probably be menacing if it was to anyone else, “Whatever you say, Boss. Foods here so get out. Got some clothes for you, and we just sort of guessed on the size but Karin’s a freak so it should be close. Juugo said you can only eat some rice and miso so you’re stomach won’t get too fucked, and Karin won’t let me eat your jello.”

“Have it. I’ll be out.”

As soon as the words are out, Sasuke hears Suigetsu is out of the bathroom yelling at Karin, “Sasuke said I could have the jello, he doesn’t even like sweets, give it here!”

    He needs to put aside the regret, the hollowness, Itachi, Naruto. He’s not in the cell. He can focus on that.

    He sits down to eat with his team. His hand shake and he struggles smelling the steaming fish Suigetsu has knowing he can’t have it, but he eats his soup the best he can. It’s warm. The tea’s warm. Juugo tells him to not eat more than he’s able, but the soup feels good on his throat. Talking is bothersome. He hadn’t said much in a while.

    Karin finishes her tea and says, “Okay, the first thing is making sure we don’t get anyone on our trail. Hopefully this pit stop might throw them off. I’ve had a seal to help confuse trackers in our packs, but I wanted to put a seal on each of you that skews your chakra signature just a bit. Just so a sensor won’t be able to pick you up.”

    “I mean you’re with us so like do they even got a sensor on your level?” Suigetsu asks.

    Karin pushes up her glasses, “Thank you for the compliment, but better to be safe than sorry. Juugo actually had the idea of physical disguises so that if anyone’s out looking it might throw them off a bit.”

    Suigetsu says, “I didn’t mean to compliment you it was an accident.”

“Shut up, Suigetsu! Sasuke, hate to break this to you on short notice, but I’m gonna cut your hair. The way the back stick ups it pretty identifiable. Got a medical eyepatch to cover your Rinnegan.”

Sasuke runs his fingers through his coarse hair. It’s starting to grow out closer to his shoulders, “Might be a nice change. I don’t think I’ve ever kept my hair too short. What about you three?”

Suigetsu whines, “She’s making me seal Kubikiribōchō into a scroll! I can totally wield a regular katana, I can literally manage any blade, but that doesn't mean I have to like it. We already tried and my hair won’t cut because it just turns to water and dye won’t stay either, so I’m gonna have to wear a hood like that won’t be shifty as hell. Juugo’s getting a cut and dye and Karin’s only cutting her’s for whatever reason. Her hair’s just as bad as Juugo’s at sticking out!”

Karin huffs, “Shut the fuck up it’s none of your business! Come here, Juugo, we’re cutting it first, then we’ll dye it in the bath.”

Juugo wraps a towel around his shoulders and sits down in front of Karin armed with scissors and hair clippers, “Seems like big business even if it’s not our business.”

“No one asked you, Juugo!”

Sasuke sees their point. His dark hair is pretty plain and common enough it doesn’t stand out, especially if they cut it short, but Karin’s bright red stands out like a beacon. Suigetsu is worse, but there didn’t seem like is anything they could do outside a mask or hood for his hair and teeth. Even with Juugo’s height, dyeing his hair brown would help him blend in. Sasuke watches Karin, her mouth still tight in her irritation, snip away at Juugo’s hair. She put up a fuss about being annoyed, but her eyes look slightly wet.

Sasuke says, “If it means that much to you, you don’t have to dye your hair. Just cut it.”

Karin’s face turns as bright as her hair.

“It’s not that! It’s just---”

Juugo blows a piece of his snipped hair out of his eyes, “Then what it is then?”

Suigetsu doesn’t even try to tease Karin. She goes quiet for a moment, trying to concentrate on Juugo’s hair before she starts talking.

“You know when we were in the Leaf, I hated seeing on their vests they wear the Uzu spiral. That Naruto wears it proudly on his back, and I was never allowed to--- for safety. It’s a target. Naruto shouts his name at everyone he meets, and I can only say I’m Karin of the Grass like I was taught. It kinda pissed me off. My hair’s Uzumaki red, though.” Karin runs her fingers through her hair, “My mom’s was too. She told me the Uzumaki were known for fuinjutsu and our life forces, but I always proud of my hair. She was too scared to teach me much about seals. Our chakra was why the Grass let us stay there in the first place, and they drained her. I couldn’t wear a spiral, or call myself an Uzumaki, but other people can have red hair, so mom let me keep my hair undyed and uncovered.”

Karin chuckles, “You’d like the myth of how our hair turned red, Suigetsu, ya bloodthirsty freak.”

Suigetsu rests his hands behind his head. He pretends not to care, but if he really didn’t he would have just told Karin to shut up, “Let me hear it, creep.”

“Before we settled in Uzushiogakure, we sailed. We were pirates. The Uzumaki and our allied pirate clans ruled the sea. It was said we earned favor of the sumiyoshi sanjin, the gods of sea and sailing. Any ship we raided would fall if not by our sword then the tides would always turn in our favor. Mom said after Uzu fell, no sailors could manage to get through to the ruins, and that only an Uzumaki could manage past the furious whirlpools. Our hair was said to have turned red from the blood of our enemies that turned the ocean so red, that it soaked everything red; that the water of our mother’s wombs turned red, and so their babies hair turned red too.”

“Blood and the ocean. My two favorite things in one story.”

Sasuke couldn’t help but ask.

“Did Naruto ask you about the Uzumaki at all?”

Karin snorts, “Like I could really even talk to that guy. He was always surrounded and busy. I did talk to him once though. He didn’t seem all that interested in seals or a clan he didn’t know he had. I doubt he wanted to hear any stories like that. Those Leaf guys are all about happy shit and everything's all fine and dandy. All smiles even when you don’t wanna.”

Karin dusts hair pieces off Juugo’s shoulders, and with a few finishing snips says, “Alright, Sasuke you’re up, then Juugo’s getting a dye.”

“It’s fine. My hair color doesn’t have any story to it. Sorry.” Juugo says.

Karin throws her empty teacup at Suigetsu when he bursts out laughing.

“Idiots.”

Karin wraps a towel around Sasuke’s shoulders and her hands are gentle and precise as she starts to cut away at his damp hair. Suigetsu holds a piece of Juugo’s cut hair to his upper lip earning a small smile out of him. Juugo helps put their empty dishes onto trays when a couple girls come in to take them. Suigetsu practically tackles one of the girls when she brings him a new pitcher of water.

Sasuke says, “Karin, thank you.”

Karin pushes up her glasses, but Sasuke can see her trying to hide the hint of a smile.

“It’s just hair.”

They need to get at least an hour or two of sleep before heading out. They can’t stop running, not yet. Sasuke didn’t know how long or how far, but he was free. They’re all free. He’s not in the cell anymore. He’s not alone. They just have to keep going.

 


	3. Remember and Breathe

The Uchiha had servants and vassals once.

Most of the biggest and oldest clans did.  

Madam Lou claims she had once been a nursemaid for the Uchiha, and that he had once had one too.  Sasuke only has the vaguest memory of a woman with light purple hair holding him and smiling. Madam Lou tells them that after the Fourth Hokage died, all non-Uchiha not married into the clan were asked to integrate with the Leaf village completely and disown allegiance to the Uchiha or risk exile. They weren’t really given a reason. She says they should have seen the signs: the secluded compound, chokehold on input in running the village and political power, restrictive laws.

Madam Lou tells him he’s got his mother’s chin. She says his mother wielded dual Dao blades like they were apart of her; all carefully hidden behind her quiet smile and strong posture. Madam Lou says in Uchiha Mikoto’s youth she had the sharpest tongue, and her best friend was the rowdey Uzumaki Kushina. People whispered about her. They say  Mikoto stole Kushina’s corpse. The Leaf planned to bury her with her husband. Uzumaki give their dead sea burials, like how the Uchiha burn their dead. No one could prove anything. Uzumaki Kushina’s corpse was missing, and they had no evidence it was the Uchiha who did it, but everyone knewㅡ she says. Madam Lou offers them cigarettes, black paper with a gold filter, and only Sasuke takes one.

“She pleaded with the Third to let her family take care of Uzumaki Naruto. They told her no clan could take care of him. They said it was about distribution of power, but rumors had been going around then about the Uchiha concerning the Sharingan and the Kyuubi. Lots of people didn’t go near that boy, but for Uchiha who knew he was a jinjuriki, there were consequences if they did. She never forgave the Hokage for that.”

As they leave, Suigetsu tells Sasuke when he was imprisoned Juugo and him tried looking for any contacts they could. The safest were old Uchiha ones. He complained how hard it was to find them. They practically went into hiding; bloodline thieves thinking they might have information or from fear of Itachi, and fear of the Leaf. Nekobaa was helpful. When Sasuke throws up into some bushes, Suigetsu doesn’t say anything as he hands over his water. Juugo lifts him off his feet without asking when he nearly runs face first into a tree not realizing he had been staring off into space. They don’t even need to tell him he’s been doing it alot. Every time he starts feeling detached, get too lost in his head, his team always tries to pull him out of it.

They go east through the Land of Rivers. They talk about going to the northlands, but Iwa wouldn’t be kind if they caught them. None of them were in any shape to go west through Wind Country, especially with Suigetsu, even if they manage to avoid Gaara and his shinobi. They keep along the southern coast of Fire after leaving River Country. They keep a brutal pace until they hit The Land of Tea. Days turn into weeks. Karin tries to keep them off the path of any and all shinobi. Sasuke figures his warrant for arrest is Naruto’s doing; the Kage would have appealed for kill on sight, they still keep an ear to the ground for any news.

They try to get Sasuke back into fighting shape, letting him run when he wants to, but Juugo insists on carrying him when he falters. Karin keeps an eye on his lungs, the T&I dungeon mold didn’t do him any favors, but fresh air and exercise will help so long as he doesn’t over do it.  Karin sets a rule that they are only allowed to rest when they stop after trying to spar with Sasuke, Suigetsu breaks a barn.

His team keeps talking even when it seems like he doesn’t hear a word they say. They end up sleeping with their futons pushed together when they can manage it, and Suigetsu only grumbles a little when Sasuke wakes up gasping and smacks him in the face. His appetite steadily improves. Katas and sparring gets easier. Juugo reminds him not to push himself when he throws up, again. They stop in a village in the Land of Tea where an elderly couple lets them use their spare room. Sasuke runs his fingers over the dragon and phoenix, dancing in a shape resembling a fan, painted on the top of their doorway. He pretends not to notice how deeply they bow to them.

Sasuke sits down with the old man, Hachi, on his porch and they share a pipe and a bottle of sake. Hachi says he’s got his father’s eyes. He tells him his father was easily embarrassed, especially as a boy. He says any time his children would smile at him, Fugaku would try with all his might to keep his face blank, but his ears hiding under his hair would turn bright red. Fugaku used his sharingan to speed read, enjoyed archery, and truly believed in justice. He wore his title of KMPF Captain with pride. Hachi says he frowned far too much; made him looked older than he was, and he wasn’t even displeased, he was just trying too hard to look serious.  

Hachi pours himself and Sasuke another cup of sake, “Might not have told you this, or you just might not remember it, but Fugaku was a second born son. He had an brother, Ryuichi, who was quite a bit older than him. That Ryuichi was a touch too cruel. His whole team had been brutally killed somewhere near Kiri and he only managed to get anyway by dumb luck when he was a genin. Fugaku was born to your grandparents later in life and Ryuichi never seemed to like him much. There was a bit of a scandal involving Ryuichi choice in a bride and him neglecting his duties as clan head, so he ended up passing it to his younger brother. The third war was on the horizon then, your old man was quickly married off to your mom, and Ryuichi died in the war.”

Sasuke can’t recall Fugaku speaking about a brother, but he remembers how his father would sit contently sipping tea and reading as Sasuke badgered Itachi into playing with him. As they got older, it turned to training. Sasuke always thought he imagined it that his father’s face looked softer when he watched them; his mother trying to hide her laughter behind her hand. He doesn’t really remember what his father’s voice sounded like. He can’t recall the smell of his mother’s shampoo. When he thinks of Itachi, the sadness and tinge of old rage makes his stomach ache. When he goes to sleep, he sees their bodies collapsed on the ground, and the blood stains on the tatami. He sees Itachi’s bloodied fingers reaching out for him, and Itachi’s undead corpse.

Every man, woman, and child butchered before any coup d'état even happened. Ostracized, segregated, feared; Sasuke hadn’t even really seen it. He knew he only saw Uchiha around him, until there were none. He saw the tightness in his father’s brow, and his mother’s worry, but didn’t know what it meant. Whenever he tried to hear whispers, about people losing jobs, having to put them into the police when they had nowhere to go, budget being tight, his mother would assure him everything was fine. He noticed his brother’s absence. His mother said not to worry. She said everything was fine.

When he wakes up with his skin too tight, unable to breathe, Juugo holds his head in his lap. He tell Sasuke everything’s fine, everything’s okay, it’s alright. Suigetsu makes stupid jokes and shows him dumb things. Sasuke knows Suigetsu’s trying to distract him. He can’t help but smile when Suigetsu finds a odd knickknack and proceeds to mock it; the most notable a stuffed squirrel dressed in traditional samurai armour. He’s tired. He always feels tired, and some nights he can’t even rest his eyes. When he can’t sleep, he shares a pack of beer with Karin. Karin pretends to read whatever book she picked up, switching between harlequin romances and crime novels, like she already planned to stay up in the first place.  

She asks, “Had you ever thought at all of what you were gonna do _after_?”

Sasuke shrugs, “Didn’t think there would be an after. Did you think of anything一after Orochimaru?”

Karin tosses her book aside and leans back against the wall, “Not really. Didn’t really have any place to go back to. I told Orochimaru if he helped me give my mom a proper Uzumaki burial I’d go with him. Probably didn’t have much choice to go with him really, but I didn’t know that. I didn’t have anything else, and he gave me something to do.” Karin takes a long drink of her beer, “I just figured I’d live cause... some people don’t want me to. Never had much plans.”

Sasuke always had a plan. He always lived his life with a goal. Chugging another beer, he crushes the can when it’s empty, “I didn’t think I’d live.”

“But you did.”

Uchiha were said to feel too much, more intensely. Betrayal still simmers in his stomach, burning, and bubbling. Too many names come to mind when he thinks of betrayal, some of them he chokes on. Itachi hurt him more than anyone, but he still loves his brother. Guilt makes his bones feel heavy. It makes him shake whenever he tries and fails to recall every name; it’s impossible to recall them all. He’s alive. He’s alive. He’s alive, and the only one left now.

They work odd jobs when they can, and steal when they can’t. Juugo likes helping out on farms.  Karin seems to always have someone that owes her a favor. Even with his looks, Suigetsu can be pretty charming when he wants to be. Little old ladies always put him to work on carrying and organizing inventory. Karin thinks it’s because Suigetsu’s a peacock that flexes his arms for the old broads. They hop a tour boat to Sea Country. Karin tells them Orochimaru had a hideout on Jiro Island. It was raided by ANBU, and Orochimaru’s old student from T&I had been used as a test for the Cursed Seal there. She heard that one of the medical staff had continued there for a while, but figured he was long gone.

They meet a contact on the main island. Predically for someone who lives in the Land of Sea, he’s a fisherman. Goro had never known the Uchiha before the exile, but his father had. His father would tell him stories. He had been a carpenter, who taught his son what he knew, but fishing sold better in the islands. The Uchiha had many warriors, but not many craftsmen among their ranks.  Goro talks about how his father didn’t believe it at first. All the Uchiha gone at Itachi’s hand. His father said Itachi was awkward, but always tried to cover it with extreme politeness. Itachi had been born shortly before the war, When he was a toddler, both his mother and father had been on the front lines. Goro’s father thought it might have been possible he just snapped, a brilliant prodigy nursed on blood and steel. He still always remembered the long lashed boy who tried to look dignified while stuffing his face with dango. Sasuke remembers his brother’s gentle smile, but he remembers his bloody sword just as clearly.  

Suigetsu is a good fisherman. Goro has them take his smaller fishing boat to help increase his catches. Juugo prefers helping around the house, and Karin doesn’t like fishing, so it’s usually just Suigetsu and Sasuke. Sasuke tries his best, but Suigetsu always had him beat. It doesn’t help Suigetsu claims using his sharingan or rinnegan counts as cheating. Quickly grabbing the fish out of the water is against the rules too. Goro backs Suigetsu saying the fish tastes better if you use patience. Fishing is relaxing for a while until he gets frustrated with not catching anything and the bench makes his ass sore. Suigetsu doesn’t showboat as much when it’s just the two of them, except to flash a cocky grin when he catches another fish.

Fishing helps him think.  

Kekkei genkai scared people. When he was young, Sasuke hadn’t really noticed the wariness. He’d seen the admiration, but not the wavering fear when he wasn’t looking. It hadn’t only been the third war that truly started it, the war exemplified their skills on the battlefield, but the fear had always been there. Sasuke hadn’t seen it. His brother, his parents, everyone tried to protect him from it. The Uchiha clan had been blamed for the fear Madara inspired. They scared people with their powerful demonic red eyes. Other clans with bloodlines were killed out of fear and anger. The entire country of Uzushiogakure obliterated because it’s enemies were afraid of what the Uzumaki could do. He read about the Bloodlines Purges in Kiri. At the time, Sasuke hadn’t thought much of it in relation to his situation; he had wrongly thought Itachi had slaughtered them all on a whim. Suigetsu’s clan, the Hozuki, had been killed by Kiri because they were afraid.

Sasuke asks, “Suigetsu, what was your brother like?”

Suigetsu looks at Sasuke with his eyes sharper then normal, assessing, but he still replies, “Everyone always said he was nicer than me, like, I was a pretty rowdey kid but my brother was always collected and cool. He prefered Hiramekarei out of the swords, but could wield them all. We followed the Seven Swordsmen around whenever we could. We wanted to be like them, and he actually did it.” Suigetsu lazily reels in another fish and tosses it into their bucket, “People started getting suspicious of anyone with kekkei genkai and things got more bloody than usual. Mangetsu started talking about hauling ass; everyone else was.”

Suigetsu’s shoulders slump and he stares at the open water.

“Mangetsu had a plan for a while. Then some riot broke out, there was always something going on, and Mangetsu stuffed me somewhere. Told me if I left he’d cut me to pieces if I didn’t listen; of course I tried to follow him. He used a lightening technique on me, don’t know where he learned it from, and knocked me out. Next thing I know, some guy from the Hoshigaki is shaking me saying my brother’s dead. As soon as I had the chance, I booked it, but Orochimaru got me soㅡ”

Sasuke stays silent. He waits.

Suigetsu’s voice, laced with bitterness, sounds small.

“Brothers, right?”

“Yeah…”

    Not knowing what else to say, Sasuke takes the tiny fish that he’d finally managed to catch off his hook and tosses it as Suigetsu’s face. Suigetsu laughs with a wide grin that stretches his cheeks, so he figures it was a good move. The quiet understanding still lingers in the air. When they return with their catch, Goro and Karin promise to make tempura. The sea’s cool waters, the quiet countryside, and warm meals do them all good. Karin freckles while trying to tan in the sun, and Suigetsu goes swimming every chance he gets.  Juugo reminds them all of the original plan. They don’t want to be a bother to Goro, and it’s still too early to stay in one place for long. Sasuke’s missing nin status is still too new. The plan is to hide out in Moon Country for a while. The country’s wealth and strong economy could help them find work to build up cash faster than working odd jobs in backwater villages.

“A shipping boat will be setting sail soon for the Crescent Island. My old friend Daichi’s on board so I’ll have him keep an eye out for you four.” Goro tries to load them up with herbs and extra fishing lines as they leave, “If you don’t mind me asking, where you all plan on going after Moon Country?”

“We were thinking south down the Kaijuu Ocean to the continent across the sea.” Karin replies, “We figure no one will look for us there.”

“You’ll be hard-pressed to find a boat.” Goro scratches his chin,  “It was years ago, but last news I heard from there was about constant wars destroying the countries. Why would you wanna go there?”

Juugo smiles, “To be free.”

 


	4. New Beginning

Karin crushes Sasuke’s hand in such a crushing grip, he hopes she won’t break it. It’s his only one.

“It hurts! It hurts! It fucking burns! Shit, shit, shit, shit!”

Karin’s other hand holds onto her swollen stomach as she leans her head onto Juugo’s shoulder. He winces every time her cries and pained groans pierce his ears, but he holds her steady on her knees, and pushes up her glasses when they slide down her sweaty face. The immense exhaustion radiating from her entire being makes the sleepiness of the boys, keeping awake with her, pale in comparison.

The midwife’s hands feel in between Karin’s shaking thighs, “On your next contraction I need you to push.”

Karin yells, “I need you to fuck off!”

Suigetsu tries to help the midwife however he can. He tried holding Karin up and making her comfortable, but managed to infuriate her more easily than usual throughout her labor. He sets down the extra towels. Suigetsu sets down the extra towels the midwife asked for and says. “Karin, breathe!”    

“Shut the hell up! I am!”

Sasuke sighs and wonders how he got here.

 

* * *

  


They rented an apartment in the Moon Kingdom.

The casinos in Moon Country are renowned for their extravagance, and Juugo cleaned house at poker.

Karin talked her way into getting jobs for herself and Sasuke, until Sasuke was fired. Public relations weren't his strongest point. Suigetsu doesn’t mind working janitorial at the casino, so long as he has enough time to explore the coral beaches that surround the country. Sasuke joined Juugo at the docks; less people to put on a pleasant face for when it was mostly sailors and cargo. Juugo unloaded shipments while Sasuke did inventory checks. He could lift the boxes with one arm, but they were supposed to lay low. He did his best to ignore anyone whispering about his ‘lost’ eye or missing arm.

They worked, they saved money, but they tried to relax too. Suigetsu tried to drag them out to parties and clubs, but Sasuke didn’t like it that much. The last time Sasuke allowed Suigetsu to talk him into it he ended up carrying Suigetsu home listening to him mumble about the trees talking. Karin liked to gamble, but always came back with a profit. Juugo’s favorite relaxation was talking to birds; which he did all the time. Suigetsu thought they should all get out there and have fun, but Sasuke wasn’t one for having _fun_.

Especially when Suigetsu’s ideas of fun tended to involve talking about other people and _relations_. Sasuke couldn't say he knew much about making friends since he could count all his on one hand, the idea of a romantic or sexual relationship made him frown. He never knew how to respond when asked about someone’s attractiveness. It had never been important.

Faces and bodies were irrelevant.

Before, the only relevance of people were their usefulness, what they could offer him, in his quest for strength. People often told him of his attractiveness, and what they _supposedly_ felt for him, but it was irrelevant. It didn’t help his goals. It meant nothing.

Puberty was just another annoyance. Sasuke hadn’t been sure whether to be grateful or not he was considered a late bloomer. The thought of enduring any sort of _discussion_ Kakashi felt obliged to give him made him flinch. When he woke up hard, his strongest feeling had always been irritation before taking a cold shower to rid himself of it. It was a distraction, a weakness, and he wanted no part in it.

Now, a free man, he tried to think on things he hadn’t before.

He tried new things. He tried drinking, smoking, gambling at the extravagant casinos in the Land of Moon. All distractions and vices he had scoffed at, but Suigetsu and Karin liked to indulge in.

Sasuke doesn’t know how to deal with pleasure and lust. Seduction and desire were always just words. Sexuality had always been alien, and uncomfortable. He developed the habit to avoid and ignore such things before he even developed such things. Sasuke had a goal to focus on, primarily involving fratricide, and he couldn’t afford distractions. Romance had never been in the cards either. All the academy girls and their silly fantasies had been troublesome. Sakura’s insistent declarations the most irritating fantasy of all. Sasuke tries to remember when he had started to think of her as a friend, but then he remembers her simpering, and he cringes. Karin’s flirations had ended, thankfully, and her infatuation turned into a love he understood more. She was his trusted friend, just like Juugo and Suigetsu, and they looked out for one another.

Sasuke knew back when they were young, Naruto had some sort of crush on Sakura. The loser tied him up and tried impersonating him just to talk to her, but Sasuke didn’t get why. He’d heard enough of Naruto’s rambles to know Naruto thought she was smart, nice, and cute. Intelligence was a valuable trait, and Juugos kindness was nice, but why it mattered if someone was ‘cute’ didn’t make much sense. Sasuke wanted to figure things out. He has time for it.

Sasuke tried watching his team to figure things out and came up with mixed results.

He watched Juugo chatting with a woman. The woman leaned over. Revealing her cleavage under her low cut top, and ran a hand up Juugo’s broad chest. Juugo simply kept talking and sipping his drink, ignoring her. Juugo didn’t seem to give a single shit. If anyone showed an interest in Juugo, he either didn’t notice and didn’t care. When it when on too long, he was always so kind in his rebuffing. He wasn’t even rude about it; that was the part that always stumped Sasuke. People always thought Sasuke rude, when he thought he did the same.

Karin flirted with everyone. It didn’t matter who. Sasuke thought it had something to do with chakra. She had always commented on his. He tried to figure out her strategy. She worked in a system. People noticed her and didn’t. They saw a woman in little shorts being more rowdy after a few drinks, but they didn’t see her hands slipping down their pockets for wallets.  When something looked like it was gonna blow, she didn’t care if she acted the fool. Karin had quick hands when she touched people, but her hands turned to fist if people touched her. Karin liked being in control, but didn’t like if it looked like she was going to lose that control.

When the team was alone, Suigetsu walked around nude without a care in the world. Karin scolded and fussed about it calling him a pervert, but Suigetsu never really did anything perverted. He just roamed naked. Sasuke figured the propriety of being completely nude in front of others, especially a lady not a lover or family, was the issue. Suigetsu never did it in actual public, so Sasuke thought maybe Suigetsu thought of them as close enough to do such things, but he never told Karin that. Suigetsu came off as big-headed and sure of himself, but Sasuke learned when he flirted he was kind of shy. With old women and little girls, he liked to play the part of the hero. But when he actually tried, his nervousness came out. He had a tendency to mumble in a vain attempt to hide his teeth. He was more open with other people with bloodlines. Sasuke caught him making out with a pointed eared man behind a bar.

It didn’t help much.

Sasuke had resigned himself to letting things be until one day after work, Suigetsu opened his mouth with a insane idea rolling off his tongue.

“We should have a baby.”

Karin dropped the book she was reading right onto Sasuke’s head.

Sasuke chucked the book onto the couch, “Hey, watch it!”

“Sorry, Sasuke, but Suigetsu’s asshole he calls a mouth is spewing shit again.”

Suigetsu said, “One you’re gross, freak. Two, you haven’t even let me explain.”

Karin opened her mouth, but Sasuke stopped her before an argument could start, “Alright, let’s hear it.”

Suigetsu crossed his legs on the floor and explained, “What I was thinking of is that Sasuke needs to have a kid, ya know, and like it’s gonna be the team kid cause group effort, but my thinking is Sasuke sort of needs a heir. Like I get no clan, so not really a big deal, but passing on bloodlines is kind of a big deal and I don’t see any other Uchiha around to do it. I just got to thinking it would be a good idea since we’ve settled a bit here, and before we move on” Suigetsu chuckled darkly, “It’d be sticking it to the Leaf too. They probably wanted complete control of the Uchiha bloodline. They had you as their little golden calf, and now you don’t owe them anything.”

Karin ran a hand through her hair stared at Suigetsu. She examined him like she did fruit at the market. She always knew when there was something wrong with it.

“You’re serious? What about your bloodline then?”

Suigetsu shrugged, “I’m not too worried about the Hozuki line. We got knocked off slower than the Kaguya, so I’m sure some of my clan got out even if I haven’t ran into them. Sasuke, I know you’ve never really seemed interested in that sort of thing, but what do you think? I just figured I’d get it out there. I’ve been thinking about it for a while.”

Sasuke laid back on the floor, with his hands supporting his head, letting the sound of Karin’s beginning of a rant fade into the background.  

He remembered saying how he wanted to restore his clan. As a child, he honestly never put much thought into it. He just didn’t like the idea of being the only Uchiha, and Itachi hadn’t counted at the time. There was no one else. Sasuke had heard the importance of the Uchiha lines and proper marriages. During the wars, most marriages were arranged sometimes with a quick courtship. He’d known his parents had an arranged marriage, and gave the clan what they asked for: a heir and a spare. Sasuke didn’t have to bother with any of the noble hoopla. It wasn’t like there were any elders to scoff at his choices. There was no one to let down. The Uchiha had always emphasized the importance of passing on the bloodline, even over the marriage propriety common among nobility. Bastards on missions or because of fits of passion were considered acceptable so long as the children of the unions were taken into the clan. Any heir was better than no heir for the Uchiha, so long as some Uchiha blood ran in their veins.

Juugo had been taking a shower. He walked into the living room, bare-chested, and in sweatpants. He sat down on the floor next to Sasuke. Sasuke glanced at him running a towel through his hair. The brown dye had started to fade as grew out. Juugo had a structured face, and strong body. Sasuke watched a bead of water slid down Juugo’s defined chest. He’d kissed Juugo once when he’d been a bit tipsy to see what it was like, his accidental kisses with Naruto didn’t count. The kiss had been warm and soft. Juugo didn’t taste like ramen, and actually brushed his teeth. Sasuke thought he _might_ be able to feel something for Juugo. As teenagers, Karin’s advances hadn’t really done much for him aside act as a nuisance. He tried, but didn’t feel much. A slight tingle in his stomach made Sasuke consider if this what what everyone spoke of, but he thought that could also be actual hunger. He’d only eaten a rice ball on break.

He sighed. He wasn’t sure Suigetsu’s crazy idea could have any merit. A child required a woman. A woman required building a good relationship that would lead to sexual relations. He wasn’t even sure how he felt about sexual relations. Sasuke couldn’t just have sex with some random woman. Starting a relationship, with the sole purpose of having a child, probably wouldn’t go well, and he didn’t think he could give more than that.

“Why are Suigetsu and Karin arguing again?” Juugo asked, “More than usual I mean?”

Sasuke replied, “Suigetsu thinks it would be a good idea for me to have a kid, continue my line, and Karin thinks he’s nuts.”

“What do you think about it?”

“I dunno. There’s a lot of variables. For starters, I don’t even have a girlfriend or anything of that sort and---”

Karin interrupted, “This guy wants _me_ to have your kid!”

Suigetsu said, “I didn’t say you had to! It's not like I'm gonna fucking make you and Sasuke go at it, ya freak! I’m just saying you could have a little Uchiha with massive Uzumaki chakra! A little Uzumaki-Uchiha would be awesome! And neither me or Juugo can have babies if you haven’t noticed and it’s not like we know anyone else we could trust. It’s just an idea. I’m just saying---maybe think about it. Team effort! We’re all friends.”

Juugo raised a brow, “I don’t think friends have children together.”

“They could! Look, it’s just an idea. Just think about it all right. Quit jumping down my throat!”

Sasuke and Karin shared a look.

Sasuke said, “I don’t know. We’ll talk about it more later I guess. Suigetsu's also kind of an idiot.”

“I dunno. It’s crazy, but yeah biggest idiot” Karin flopped back down on the couch and opened her book back up with a huff.

"You all suck and I'm amazing, thank you!"

They decided to think about it.

There was no need to be rash.

No one said they had good ideas, or thought things through well.

They talked about how the Moon Country had some of the best doctors. Karin discussed the idea of artificial insemination, and Sasuke agreed it would be best. Karin had faith in the procedure and she had seen Orochimaru’s studies on it. Suigetsu thought it was weird, but said Sasuke and Karin smashing was weirder. Juugo put 'smashing' on the list of words Suigetsu wasn't allowed to use as slang after Karin beat him up. The whole situation made him wish he could talk to his mother. She always seemed to know what he was thinking. She understood, even if Sasuke himself didn’t. Sasuke knew if his mother was alive he wouldn't be where he was, but he wouldn't have Team Taka  either. He was at least grateful for his team.  

They were friends. None of them wanted to be lovers. Suigetsu preferred his one night dalliances. Sometimes, Karin didn’t want anyone to even place a hand on her shoulder. Sasuke thought of people he had once cared about, and tried to recoil it with how he cared about his team. They laid everything bare for one another. Sasuke trusted them. He cared about them. He watched Suigetsu and Juugo both trying to make out any sort of sense of the sonogram picture while Karin, face flushed, sat cross armed on the couch. He loved them, and thought maybe his mother would have liked his ridiculous team too. 

  


* * *

 

  Karin didn’t take to pregnancy well.

The way she complained and seemed to hate every second made Sasuke think they should have thought it through some more.

They all did their best to help.

Suigetsu worked more hours, and Juugo took over Karin’s share of the cooking. It was a toss up of what smell might trigger her morning sickness on any given day. She became even more irritable as her belly grew. Sasuke read the pregnancy and childbirth book Juugo had picked up, but all it gave him were more concerns than reassurances. Suigetsu tried keeping his usual teasing of Karin to a minimum. He didn’t want to stress her out, but once she cried about him hating her because he wasn’t bickering with her, he returned to his usual smart comments and names.

Sasuke asked Karin again and again, if she was okay with having the baby, and every time she would say yes.

There was still something in her voice that made Sasuke ask the question again and again.

He saw her rubbing her distended stomach, hidden under Juugo’s shirt, on the couch. Her face had a curious look of wonder, but Sasuke couldn’t help but think it was melancholy too. Karin always seemed nervous, and a bit sad whenever the baby was brought up. Even as she struggled to adjust to her new limitations, it was like she tried to forget she was even pregnant.

Sasuke asked, “Something wrong?”

Karin’s hand froze and she glanced up at him, “I thought the kid kicked.”

Sasuke kneeled down next to her, “May I?”

Karin shrugged and watched as he lifted his hand to touch her middle.

“I don’t feel anything.”

“We should get Suigetsu to try when he gets home. Get the kid started on kicking his ass early. Oh hey---right here I think.” She moved his hand over until he felt a light flutter of movement beneath her skin.

Sasuke grinned, but when he looked at Karin, he saw that sad smile on her face again.

“Karin, are you sure you’re okay? I mean about the baby? You just seem— sad. You didn’t have to do this? I’m sorry if you felt you were pressured or anything—”

Karin brushed his hand away, “It’s not that, dumbass. I’m fat, my feet are swollen, my back aches, and I always gotta fucking piss, but I’ll get back to normal soon after this brat’s outta me. I justㄧI dunno.”

She held her arms around her stomach the best she could and sighed, “Did you ever really think you’d have a kid, Sasuke?”

Sasuke leaned back against the couch, “Didn’t think I’d live that long.”

“I didn’t think I would. I adored my ma, but I was still pretty young when she died. I don’t really remember all that mom stuff. I don’t want this kid to be fucked up cause of me. I just---I’m just scared, Sasuke. Do you really see me as mother material?”

Sasuke put a hand on Karin’s arm, “You don’t think you can be a mom? I get it. You’re scared, that’s okay.”

“I’m really scared, Sasuke, like really scared.”

Sasuke wished Juugo wasn’t out getting groceries. He was better at comforting.

“Okay, then. You can be Aunt Karin. You don’t have to be a mother. Just like Suigetsu said: team effort.”

Sasuke wasn't sure to feel insulted or relieved about Karin’s burst of laughter.

“So, the kid will have Auntie Karin, Uncle Juugo, Uncle Suigetsu, and Papa Sasuke all because I’m too much of a wuss to actually call myself a mother even though I’m gonna be the one giving birth to the kid?”

Sasuke ignored the disbelief in her voice and gently rubbed her stomach, “Yep, this is a group baby. The baby will have my name anyway through right of bloodline. Uchiha genes are strong, so the kid’ll probably look more like me.”

Karin chuckled, “Be a riot if the brat came out with red hair, idiot.”

 

* * *

 

The midwife says, “You’re crowning, girl, just breathe.”

Suigetsu points out when he peeks in-between Karin’s spread legs, that it looks like the baby’s hair is dark. Karin screams at him not to look and to fuck off. Sasuke suspects Juugo is keeping a secret tally of how many times Karin could say fuck from the start of her labor to the baby’s birth.

“Push, now! big push.”

Suigetsu encourages her, “Come on, Karin!”

Karin yells, “Don’t fucking rush me!”

The midwife told Karin to focus less on swearing and more on breathing as she pushed through a strong contraction. When the baby finally slipped from her into the midwife’s waiting hands, Karin leaned against Juugo and groaned in relief.

Suigetsu wiped Karin’s face and cleaned her glasses, “Your face is as red as your hair.”

Karin, too tired to think of a comeback, just flips Suigetsu off.

The baby’s sharp cries fill the room. Sasuke watches as the midwife cuts the umbilical cord and goes about cleaning the baby. A wrinkled pink little thing with tuffs of dark black hair wiggles and screams in the midwife’s arms. The midwife wraps the baby in the soft green blanket Karin had picked out. Suigetsu helps Sasuke maneuver around so he could keep the baby’s head up in the crook of his arm and have a good hold on her, even with just one hand. Sasuke leans close to Karin and Juugo as the midwife places the baby against him. The baby’s cries turn to whines and wet snuffles.

“A healthy little girl. Congratulations.”

The midwife starts to clean to give them some privacy.

Suigetsu pokes her cheek and immediately started crying.

Karin strokes the top of her head, her own eyes watering, “You’re such a puss. Second Coming of wussies is what you are.”

Suigetsu retorts through his sniffling, “You still gotta deliver that placenta thing, you shut up.”

“Eat me!”

“Not in front of the baby,” Juugo scolds them.

Sasuke can only stare at the little baby pressed against him. She’s ugly in the way newborns are. He tries to place her features; he’d told Karin that Uchiha genes are strong. He thinks the baby has Karin’s cheeks, but she’ll have his coloring for sure.

When an Uchiha is born, two candles are placed and burned next to the baby’s bedside. Some used to say, long ago, that the candles had once been a pyre. That when their ancestors blood had been strongest, they could place the babies in burning pyres, and they would not burn. The story goes for both the pyre and candles that it was a way to welcome the child into the clan. The Uchiha fan the flames. It is the meaning behind their symbol. One candle for the dragon, one for the phoenix, both creatures of strength and fire. Once the midwife leaves, Juugo already has candles prepared. A jewelry maker specially made a necklace with an Uchiwa charm and it was to be wrapped in the baby’s blanket. Her naming ceremony was to be in seven days, and Sasuke had practiced his calligraphy, that he hadn’t done since he was seven, for it.  

When the midwife leaves, she gives explicit instructions on how to care for the baby and Karin. Karin rests in bed and holds the baby, her hands tremble when the baby makes a sound. Suigetsu made no comments about the terror that would flash across her face, and played her errand boy without a complaint. Sasuke takes the baby from her when she wants to go to sleep. Juugo holds her for a while, but when it’s Sasuke’s turn to cook dinner he tells Sasuke he can cook.

Sasuke knew he kept checking on them. He just wanted to see her; the little Uchiha baby. He wanted to memorize her face. Three hundred and forty nine people died during the massacre. Sasuke couldn’t remember all the children. He couldn’t know all the babies. The babies never lived. They were born to the wrong parents, at the wrong time. They had the wrong symbol painted over their cribs.

No one says anything when he takes the baby into his room. She gurgles and Sasuke makes sure her blankets are tucked around her. Her ears are tiny, and his hand engulfs her entire head. Juugo’s eyes went wide when her little bitty hand struggled to grasp his finger. She’s small, vulnerable, and his. He hopes she’ll never activate the sharingan. To gain it, is to lose something else. He hopes she won’t need it, but she’ll have the blood that it requires should she have the need. Sasuke uses his own sharingan to memorize her nose, long lashes, tufts of hair.

Another Uchiha; he's not alone. 

With no one to see him but her, Sasuke hangs his head so it’s closer to his baby's. He lifts her as close to his face as he can manage.

He cries.

 


	5. Parenthood

“We’re gonna kill her.”

“No we’re not!”

“On accident maybe,” Juugo suggests.

Sasuke rubs the bridge of his nose, “Suigetsu, Karin’s right we’re not gonna kill her. Juugo, don’t encourage him.”

Suigetsu kneels down next to the baby. Their little team baby lies swaddled on the tatami. She gurgles when Suigetsu pokes her cheek. Uchiha Sarada, had been the name they chose. It’s drawn in elegant calligraphy beside her tiny footprint on the scroll that hung on the wall. Karin named her for a goddess of knowledge. Suigetsu thought it was too much of a name to live up to, and demanded she be be named Rangetsu. Suigetsu’s name ideas were all vetoed, as they all ended in -getsu, so they went with Karin’s name choice.

Suigetsu examines her and rubs her downy hair, “She’s so _soft._ Look at her! An innocent vulnerable baby we’re all probably gonna break. Her skulls not even fully put together yet! I read about it. She’s so small one of us could like, sit on her by accident, or step on her.”

Karin huffs and grab Sarada off the floor, “Well, don’t put her on the ground if your worried about stepping on her then!”

Juugo peers at Sarada. It’s never more apparent how _big_ Juugo is until they’re around children. A baby next to him looks miniscule in comparison. He could nearly fit her whole body in one hand. Juugo thinks about what Suigetsu said. She is _tiny_ , and _vulnerable_. He doesn’t want to break the baby. His temper had been better, but all the same. The worry still lingers. He trusts Sasuke to be his cage, to control him, but he couldn’t forgive himself if he hurt little Sarada.

Sasuke says, “Juugo, you are not going to hurt the baby. Nothing’s going to happen.”

Suigetsu knocked on the wall for luck, “Don’t jinx it!”

“Idiot.”

Sarada fusses and squirms in her blankets. Juugo always compares Sarada’s cries to a baby lamb.

    “It’s about time for her to eat.”

Karin frowns, “Damn it, it’s harder than hell getting her to latch. I keep trying but it takes forever and even then she doesn’t nurse for long.”

Suigetsu jokes, “Maybe she just doesn’t like it when you whip your tit out. I know I don’t. They make me sad.”

Sasuke takes Sarada away before Karin throws her fist into the back of Suigetsu’s head. Sarada’s whimpers turn into cries. Sasuke carefully rocks her as he walks into the kitchen. Karin stomps on Suigetsu’s puddle of a body, “Damn you and your useless nipples. Mine are fucking sore and irritated!”

Before Juugo could open his mouth, Karin shakes her fist at him, “If you spout some dumb fact you learned from that shitty book your gonna get it too!”

Juugo sighs, “I wasn't. I was just gonna say you could try formula. That way, we all could help feed her so you don’t have to get up in the middle of the night and if you’re having trouble lactating then formula’s still good. The midwife put some in the cupboard just in case.”

Suigetsu snickers, “Heh, lactating.”

“Grow up, shitty shark face!”

    “Quit kicking me and maybe I will!”

    Juugo follows Sasuke into the kitchen. The midwife showed him how to prepare a bottle. Sasuke rocks Sarada and watches him. Sasuke knows it’d be a lie if he tells Juugo he isn’t scared of hurting Sarada on accident. He only has one arm. He isn’t in any terms clumsy, but he still worries he might somehow drop the baby. Juugo hadn’t lost control in a long time, but that doesn’t make him forget all the times he did.

    “You know I’d stop you before you could hurt her, right, Juugo?”

    Juugo twiddles the bottle in his hands, and refuses to meet Sasuke’s eye.

    “Juugo?”

    “I know, I know you’d stop me.” Juugo says, “I don’t want you to have to stop me. Even then, even if I don’t lose my temper, Suigetsu was right. Babies are fragile, and her skull’s not even fully fused together.”

    “Just because she has a soft spot doesn’t mean you and Suigetsu are gonna kill her. You bought more than enough baby books, read though those if you’re so worried about your lack of experience with babies.” Sasuke chuckles, “I don’t have any experience with children or babies either.”

    Suigetsu pops into the kitchen to grab the bottle, “Ah, so you’re the one who’s gonna kill our baby!”

    Sasuke scoffs, “Just feed her.”

    Suigetsu takes Sarada from Sasuke coos at her, “It’s okay, sweetie. Uncle Suigetsu will feed you. You don’t have to be tormented by mean old Karin’s icky boobs anymore.”

    Karin yells into the kitchen, “You’re lucky you have the baby in your hands!”    

    Suigetsu laughs, “Me and Hamagetsu are safe so long as we’re together.”

    “That is not her name!”

    “Umiko and I---”

    “She’s not even of Kiri blood, so quit giving her water names! Her name is Sarada!”

    Sasuke rolls his eyes at Karin and Suigetsu’s antics and says to Juugo, “just don’t worry too much, and remember what I said, okay?”

    Juugo nods. He’d feel more secure once he read some more. Knowledge was always better than no knowledge, and Suigetsu couldn’t give anyone worries if Juugo always knew what to expect.

    Knowledge turned out not to be better than no knowledge, at least sometimes.

    One of the more medically geared baby books listed Sudden Infant Death Syndrome as something very real, that Juugo had not been unaware of.

    It scared him to his very core.

    He doesn't know how to tell anyone about it. He doesn't want Suigetsu, who tries not to open his mouth too wide should he scare Sarada with his teeth, to know. He doesn't want Karin, who sometimes looks at Sarada like she's the most beautiful and most terrifying thing she’d ever seen, to know.  Sasuke looks at Sarada like if he looks away for a moment, she might disappear. He doesn't want Sasuke to know such a thing, not ever. Juugo can’t help but see so many things that could threaten Sarada’s safety, and she can’t even walk yet.

    Juugo knows that he needs to protect her.

    Of course, the best way to do that is to watch her, guarding her, at every possible moment. When Juugo goes to work, he can’t watch her, but someone else can. She is still vulnerable at night. She could just stop breathing in her sleep, all of a sudden, and no one would be the wiser until they went to give her a bottle. Juugo can’t allow that to happen. Staying up to watch her sleep, making sure the steady rise and fall or her chest doesn’t stop, falls to Juugo. It’s his duty. Sasuke tells him he has to stop. It probably wouldn’t be an issue if Sarada had her own nursery, but for now she sleeps in whoever’s room they decide to put her crib in for the night.

Suigetsu doesn't wake up when Juugo stands in the room. Suigetsu does ends up making the baby cry when he shrieks after seeing Juugo’s hulking form in the shadows when he wakes up to feed Sarada. Karin knows immediately when Juugo tries to sneak into her room, his chakra is distinct, but Juugo’s pouting sad-face is enough to make her gruffly agree to let him skulk about. Sasuke just kicks him out everytime he tries. Juugo refuses to give a reason to why he won’t leave the baby alone. He yawns continuously at work, and even some of his coworkers notice the darkened circles under his eyes. It’s when he starts to get snappish from lack of sleep, Karin demands to know why Juugo refuses to sleep and just _has_ to watch Sarada at all hours.

Juugo grabs Sasuke by the shoulders and demands, “Did you know babies could die suddenly in their sleep? A baby could just stop breathing and die!”

Karin holds Sarada up to her face and inspects her, “Sarada looks pretty healthy to me.”

“It can happen to healthy babies!” Juugo says, “I read about it in the childcare book.”

When Suigetsu comes home late that night, he finds all three of them sitting around Sarada’s crib watching the baby with hawk-like percision. Suigetsu thinks about asking what’s going on, but doesn’t know if he really _wants_ to know. Karin is holding her knees to her chest. She only glances up at Suigetsu for a second before her gaze returns to the baby sleeping peacefully in the crib.

She says, “Did you know babies can stop breathing suddenly in their sleep?”

Suigetsu shakes his head, shrugs off his jacket, and sits down on the floor with them.

Babies grow quickly.

Sasuke hadn’t expected the little pink goblin he held at her birth to start looking so much like him so fast. Sarada has his dark eyes, and rough black hair. He thinks she has familiar long lashes surrounding his mother’s eyes. Karin thinks her face shape is in there, but Sarada takes more after the Uchiha features than the Uzumaki with her skinny limbs and sharp eyes. He can’t stop staring at her. When she reaches her hand towards him to grab at his fingers, when she drools on his shirts as she sleeps, and when she kicks and wiggles as struggles to change her diaper with one hand; he can’t help but smile.

When she learns to sit up, Sasuke sits her on the floor and tries to play with her. He moves her stuffed animals around until she giggles and stacks towers that she knocks down. He talks to her in reply as she babbles. Juugo says it’s important to do that, so she can learn how to talk when it’s time. He vaguely remembers learning how to play the shakuhachi when he was young, and Suigetsu finds a cheap flute from one of the merchant ships passing through. He manages to play it well enough, it only has a few finger holes, and Sarada loves the sound. She likes most music, even Suigetsu’s attempts at singing. She smiles everytime she hears it. The smile is one that doesn’t make him think of the dead, but it shines so much he’s still reminded of ghosts.

He tries to put it aside.

Juugo is sure Sarada will be trying to crawl soon enough. When they sit her on the ground she can roll onto her stomach if she is on her back, and she pats her hands against the floor. Suigetsu swears he walked away for a moment to grab her bottle, and saw her on her hands lifting herself up. She just needs to figure out the knees. It doesn’t seem to really hit Sasuke how fast she grows until she’s trying to shove his hand into her mouth to gum on it, per usual, and he feels a little tooth trying to bite into his skin. The excitement and amazement, showing his team by prying Sarada’s mouth open until she gets annoyed and cries in anger, wears off after nights of her crying from pain as more teeth start to come in. Chewing on ice toys, and mouth ointment only go so far. Sarada puts anything she can get into her mouth in an attempt to soothe her gums. Karin looses her favorite sunglasses to Sarada’s tiny chompers.

More teeth, though, mean talking.

“Come on, Sarada. Say Papa!”

Suigetsu flops onto the couch with a yogurt in his hands. With his mouth still full he says, “Say shit!”

Sasuke glares at him, “Her first word is not going to be that, and the ‘s’ sound would probably be too hard for her anyway.”

“Say dick!”

Sasuke considers taking Sarada to his room, but all her toys are already spread out on the living room floor. It’d be a bother gathering them all up just to get away from Suigetsu’s nonsense.

Sasuke turns Sarada’s cheek to him. She’s not even paying attention to Suigetsu. She’s shaking an empty soda bottle filled with dry rice, occasionally biting into the plastic.

“Say Papa. Pa-Pa.”

Sarada looks at him, and just keeps trying to bite the bottle.

Suigetsu says from the couch,“Papa!”

Sasuke chucks a stuffed turtle in his direction, “Not you, damn it!

Suigetsu comes over with his yogurt in hand and crouches next to them. He holds out a small spoonful of yogurt towards Sarada, “You need to give her positive reinforcement, ya know. Have something she wants, and if she does what you want, you give her what _she_ wants. Like this yogurt. Yogurt, Sarada. Yummy, yummy! You talk you get yogurt.”

“It feels like you’re interrogating her and---”

Sarada tosses the rice bottle and reaches for the spoon,“Yo-gu!”

Sasuke blinks, “Sarada, did you say yogurt?”

Sarada whines as she makes grabby hands, “Yo-gu! Yo-gut!”

Suigetsu steers the spoon into her open mouth. Sarada refuses to let go of the spoon, but eventually Suigetsu prys it away from her.

“Yo-gut!”

Suigetsu laughs, “It’s not that bad of a first word, really. It’s not like bitch or something.”

Sasuke takes Suigetsu’s spoon with more yogurt on it and holds it in front of Sarada, “Okay, Sarada, say Papa.”

“Yo-gut.”

She opens her mouth and waits for her prize.

It isn’t until Sarada’s racing around on her pudgy little hands and knees, she finally says papa, and it’s because she’d gotten stuck in a blanket. Sasuke didn’t care. Everytime he heard her chirp, cry, or giggle ‘papa’ he feels warm. She pulls herself up by Juugo’s pant leg and bounces on her chubby legs the first time she stands. She doesn’t get much further than standing. Karin holds Sarada by her hands and walks her on her own feet, but whenever she lets go, Sarada falls back down. The one day she falls onto her face, instead of back onto her diaper, Sasuke holds her for nearly an hour, bouncing her on his knee, as she cries. Suigetsu thinks positive reinforcement might work for walking like it did talking, so they try yogurt and different treats to tempt her into walking to get them. It mostly ends in Sarada crying after falling again.

Karin leaves for a few days to meet a contact. Sarada hadn’t gotten used to being away from any of her caretakers for more than a few hours at a time. Sarada crawls around the house looking for Karin. When Sasuke puts her to bed, she whimpers, “Ka-win.”

When Karin walks back through the door, Sarada abandons the scattered and torn newspaper she’d been playing with. She hoists herself up on her hands and knees and pushes off the the floor. Sasuke watches stunned as Sarada toddles to the door. She stumbles the last few steps, but Karin catches her and sweeps her up into a hug, “Hey, Sarada, sweetie did you miss me?”

“Ka-win, Ka-win!”

Karin kisses the top of her head and looks to Sasuke, “She learned to walk when I was gone?”

“No, she didn’t,” Sasuke replied, “That’s the first time I’ve seen her fully taking steps.”

When they got home, Juugo and Suigetsu despair over missing it, but Karin refuses to put Sarada down. She holds Sarada in her lap even when they’re eating dinner, and puts Sarada’s crib into her room even though it’s not her turn.

Their baby grows fast.

Karin tries to start potty training her as soon as possible. Sasuke thinks she might be too young, and Juugo says the childcare books vary on when it’s a good time to start. Suigetsu says if he were a baby, he’d do the diaper route for as long as possible, having to stop doing stuff just for the sake of the bathroom is annoying. Karin tells Sarada to ignore Suigetsu and that she is a big girl. Sarada wets the bed during thunderstorms, when Suigetsu gives her water before bed, and when Sasuke can’t help her with her pants, or gods forbid overalls, in time. She does alright with the potty training.

Juugo’s books tell him the terrible twos are a time when a child is trying to place themselves in their desire for independence and reliance on caretakers. Juugo’s books didn’t tell him that the terrible twos, when a child is learning about themselves and the world, is even worse for an Uchiha and an Uzumaki. Uchiha feel too much. Their emotions are always big, whether love, hate, happiness, or sadness, they feel intensely. Uzumaki feel what others feel around them. They connect, easily, and they do it as if it’s the most natural thing to do. Sarada is an Uchiha, and even though her hair isn’t red none of them can forget she’s got Uzumaki blood too.

Sasuke assumes the reason Sarada gets fussy when they go into town is because she’s shy, and it’s noisy. She cries whenever anyone else cries. If someone is angry she’ll get angry right back, and her temper is harsh. She switches from cold looks and scowls, to yelling with her eyes burning furiously. Sasuke vaguely remembers his aunt, Akimomo. She had a few young children, and he remembers her teaching her children to control their emotions; not suppress but direct. Uchiha only let those they trust see them vulnerable. He tells Sarada her face may be like ice, but she has a burning blaze under her skin. His grandmother told that to him once. He doesn’t want her to think her rage, her joy, her sorrow is wrong, but he doesn’t want anyone to use it against her either.

Sarada loves intensely, Sasuke can already see it.

Sarada notices immediately if one of the team is having a bad day. The anniversary of the massacre, Sarada climbs into Sasuke’s bed and curls up on his chest. When Karin gets anxious, Sarada clings to her leg until she picks her up. If Suigetsu’s spacing out, Sarada holds his hand until he’s done, and if Juugo’s getting irritated she tries to make him smile.  

Sarada can’t help not notice, but they don’t want her to. They don’t want to burden her with their pain. She’s afraid of the dark. She has a special night-light that looks like a gaslamp. She became afraid of ghosts after Suigetsu watched a scary movie with her in the room. A few of her stuffed animals always joined Sasuke on his bed, and she still couldn't eat certain foods without getting horribly messy. They didn’t want to burden their baby. She shouldn’t have to bear any of it.

They talk about it after putting Sarada to bed. Talking helps, even if they don’t really want to. They talk about their time with Orochimaru. Suigetsu still gets stir crazy sometimes. Sometimes the apartment feels too much like a tank, and he has to run around town in the open air for a while. Karin talks about how _nice_ it was to be the warden, and she knows she never really had any control to begin with. It was all part of Orochimaru’s plan. He just wanted to see what would happen; experimenting like always. Juugo wonders what became of Orochimaru, since the Leaf didn’t do anything to him.

Sasuke tells him team just what he thinks of the leaf. How the leaf village looks the other way when it suits them, like Orochimaru, but damns others like him who dissent. He talks about all the dirty skeletons in Konoha’s closet, and how it was all hidden under the veneer of being the _nice_ village. He tells how unless it was about simpering over him being ‘the last Uchiha’ or him acting up no one talked about the massacre. He struggles, like he always does, when he talks about the Uchiha. Naruto knew, Kakashi knew, and it meant nothing. His team understood. The Uzumaki, the Hozuki, and Juugo’s clan; they were all slaughtered too.

He never wants Sarada to be ashamed of what she is.

He’ll tell her about the Uchiha, and about the Leaf when she’s older, but for now he can read her stories about a tea kettle that’s a shapeshifting tanuki or a man who rescues a turtle and visits the bottom of the sea. He stays away from stories with violence or fighting, much to Suigetsu’s grumbling. She’ll need to be able to defend herself when she’s older. She’ll know harsh things, sad things, horrible things when she’s older.

For now, she’s just a child; their baby.  

They can treat her like one.

None of them got that, so they can at least give it to her.

 


	6. Don't Forget

They get comfortable in Moon Country. They put off finding a boat to take them across the Kaijuu Ocean. None of them want Sarada to get sick or hurt on the journey, not when she’s so young. They decide to wait till she’s older. It had been different when it was just the four of them. The idea of heading to a nearly unknown continent with a child seemed foolish.

The warmth and clear blue water of the crescent island isn’t like the chillier dreary Mist. It didn’t matter if the Mist Village was in a constant shroud of low fog and drizzle, like Suigetsu remembers it, but the one thing he missed about it when being stuck inland was the closeness to the ocean. The island is open air surrounded by water.

Sasuke had grown up in the middle of the Land of Fire, and didn’t know much about the ocean. Sometimes, he finds himself walking into the forests in Moon Country. The trees have a large canopy and strong trunks, but they aren’t the same as the ones in Fire Country.

Karin looks at the ocean wistfully whenever they go to the beach. She tries to imagine the stories her mother told her. She dreamed of the sea when she was stuck in the vast plains of the Grass. Sarada pulls her towards the surf when she sees it, until Juugo scoops her up because she hasn’t learned how to swim.

Sarada has only known land where if one ran far enough in either direction they would reach the sea.

They pick out Sarada a red one-piece swimsuit with a little skirt and white stripes, but she refuses it. Juugo tries one with ladybugs, but she won’t wear it. Juugo, Suigetsu, and Sasuke all wear swim shorts, although Suigetsu's put an emphasis on _short_. Sarada wants to wear a swimsuit like them. Karin laughs when they come home with swim trunks patterned in sharks for Sarada and  she locks Suigetsu out when he asks if he should try wearing her purple bikini.

Taking Sarada to the beach, is their go-to way of getting her out of the apartment. Attempted trips to the park usually end in failure, but Suigetsu has a talent for finding the beaches that are secluded or empty on any given day. Sarada’s excitement for a beach day infects them all. Sasuke figures he can be happy if she’s happy, even if he has to deal with Juugo trying to smother everyone in sunscreen.

Sarada teeters back and forth on her toes, her hands hidden behind her back. “Papa, guess what I found!”

Sasuke sets down his book and pretends to think hard on his guess. “Is it a sand dollar?”

“Nope!”

“Is it a frog?”

Sarada’s pockets ribbiting has happened a few times in the past.

“Nah ah!”

Karin, soaking in the sun on her beach towel, calls out from her spot on the sand. “Is it a pinky?”

Juugo demands, “why would it be a pinky?”

“I heard a story about someone losing their finger and then they couldn't find it. Later, someone else just up and finds a detached finger.”

Sarada shakes her head. “Not a pinky!”

Juugo tries to fortify the left wing of his sandcastle. It’s really Sarada’s sandcastle, but she abandoned it after Suigetsu distracted with a jellyfish sighting and warning her of the dangers.

Juugo asks, “could you maybe give us a hint?”

Suigetsu would have peeked behind her back if he wasn’t busy trying and failing in his  one-man battle against the tide. He thinks surfing is his next greatest hobby. They all try to be supportive, and assume he won’t drown because he can turn into water.

“It’s not a snail but it’s got a home that goes with it,” Sarada says.    

Karin yells, “hermit crab! It's a crab isn’t it? I win!”

Sarada holds a little hermit crab, cradled in her hands, high above her head. Juugo and Karin make the expected oohs and ahhs, while Sasuke holds out his hands. Sarada pouts, but lets the hermit crab crawl onto Sasuke’s hand. He gently places the crab back onto the sand. Sarada crouches and sadly watches the crab scurry away.

Sarada notices her father’s stern demeanor and asks in a small voice. "Did I hurt the crab?”

“No, you didn’t, but you should be careful. You can’t keep the crab, or the frogs when you find them, or birds, or other little creatures because they live outside. They are fine on their own, and you might hurt them without knowing it. I know you like them, and you can look at them, but they aren’t to keep.”

“Okay, Papa.” Sarada’s head remains drooping until she pops back up with an idea, “what about snakes? You didn’t mention them.”

Sasuke kicks sand in Karin’s direction when she snorts, “snakes can be venomous. That means dangerous because they could bite and hurt you even if they’re small.  You shouldn’t go around picking up snakes.”

Sasuke ruffles Sarada’s hair to get her pouting lip to retreat.

“How about I show you a snake sometime later and―”

Sarada interrupts, "Snake now! See snake now!”

“Are we spoiling her too much?” Juugo asks, “so demanding!”

Sarada thinks a moment then adds, "please!”

Karin laughs, “she did say please.”

Sasuke rolls his eyes, but goes into an explanation of summons anyway. Sarada’s eyes go wide at the prospect of being able to have an animal friend wherever and whenever she pleases. He tries to emphasize the importance of respecting summons and how they aren’t pets. Sarada nods along, but Sasuke can’t be sure if she understands or just wants him to get to summoning. Karin gives him an all clear for anyone around. He hasn’t tried summoning in a long time or really any jutsu aside from low level stuff. He worries he’s getting rusty. He only manages to keeps up sparring because Suigetsu always demands his time. Jutsu is more noticeable, more of a risk, but he figures one time won’t hurt.

Sarada claps and peers at the small snake in wonder. She reaches her hand out to touch, but then glances at her father and reconsiders. She remembers what he said about snakes.

“Sarada, this is Ishō, he’s a summoning snake from Ryuichi Cave.  Ishō, this is my daughter, Sarada.”

Ishō lifts his head and examines her. “She is squishy, far too squishy! She’ll get eaten like that! Just you wait.”

Aoba would’ve been polite and good tempered to her, but an introduction between them would have to wait. He’s too noticeable for anyone to overlook. Ishō is a rude little snake with bright green scales, but is one of Aoba’s grandchildren. That didn’t mean Sasuke wanted him telling Sarada that.

Sarada huffs, “nah ah, I won’t. Silly Mr. Ishō. You’re little so a bird could come and swoop you right up, and feed you to it’s babies, but it’s not nice to tell people or snakes things like that.”

Ishō looks up at Sasuke.“If you brought me here and those hawks of yours are about I will very angry.”

Sasuke rubs the bridge of his nose, “No, I’m sorry for the inconvenience. You can go. I just wanted to show Sarada a summoning.”

Ishō left muttering about the nerve of hatchlings, while Sarada grabs Sasuke’s leg and jumps. “Can I summon, Papa, can I?”

Sasuke doesn’t think he wants Sarada to deal with the harshness of Ryuchi Cave, even with Aoba. The hawks might be better, but only time would tell.

“Maybe when you’re older.”

Sarada pouts but goes back to her sandcastle. Juugo had added a tower.

It was always ‘when you’re older’ _._ She knows the responses well, and although she doesn’t like it much she understands it.

There’s some things they won’t tell until she is older, they tell her enough. Sarada clings to the stories, and any bit of information she can get. Even if she struggled with writing, she loved learning how to read. They even try to teach her of what they remembered of their own languages and writings that weren’t the standard tongue. Sarada always wants to learn more.

She is an Uchiha.

They always tell Sarada she is an Uchiha. It’s her name: Uchiha Sarada. Sasuke tells her when she’s older, he’ll teach her the Great Fireball jutsu. All Uchiha learned it.  Sarada stares into flames, curious and unafraid. Fire is in their blood. It scared people how passionate they could be. They burned, and burned. The symbol they once wore on their back, now a simple necklace in hiding, was an uchiwa. They, the Uchiha, fan the flames.

Sasuke tells her fire is destruction. It burns and rampages, and it’s hard to control. He also tells her fire is light. It’s warmth and hearth and life. It isn’t meant to be controlled. Fire will burn. It cannot be stopped, only directed. He tries to remember all the stories of the phoenix, and of dragons. Karin and Suigetsu collect stories he can’t remember from those who can; from those who knew the Uchiha and remember the stories they told.

Sarada loves the stories of gods the most. Konoha hadn’t put much creed in a god or gods. There were traditions and practices that stayed, but certain things were placed in the realm of superstition. Karin tells her about the gods of sea and sailing. Sasuke tells Sarada he remembered his father praying once. Uchiha Fugaku placed an incense outside at sunrise, on a holder shaped like a dragon, and he would stand shoulders back chin pointed to the sun. As the sun rose over the horizon, he breathed in deeply before giving his quiet prayer in a mother tongue Sasuke never truly learned.

Sasuke wishes he remembered the gods of his ancestors. He knows the sun, dragons, and fire, but the name of the goddess his mother whispered every time Itachi left for a mission escapes him. Suigetsu refuses to tell Sarada his stories. The gods of his youth weren’t kind. Juugo wishes he had stories to tell. He tells her about the animals, the trees, the birds and how they all work together. The effect is ruined when Suigetsu threatens to eat one of the little birds.

They tell Sarada she is an Uchiha, but they don’t let her forget the Uzumaki.

She calls Karin her aunt, but Uzumaki blood runs in Sarada’s veins.

Karin tells her about the giant ships and the pirate kings. Uzumaki swam before they learned to walk, and sailed before they learned to write. They gathered vassals, allies, and merchants, all for the village they planned to build on an island surrounded by whirlpools. The symbol of their clan a whirling tide, never-ending, powerful and pulling in everything it can reach. They had chakra that leaked from their bodies in waves, and they put it all into their seal work. Seals need a lot of chakra to operate, and the Uzumaki had it in spades. Sarada pouts when she fails again and again to make a leaf stick to her forehead with her chakra, but Karin reminds her she’ll get it with time. A lot of chakra can be difficult to control but not impossible with practice.

Juugo meets a man at the docks. Juugo hadn’t realized he’d been murmuring an Uzumaki shanty song as he worked, until the man tapped him on his shoulder. The man whispers to him the syntax Karin struggled to string together. When his shift ends, Juugo brings the man to the apartment. Sasuke ushers Sarada into his room, while Karin prepares the tea. The man’s bright blue hair with streaks of grey is reminiscent of someone from Water Country, but the clear color of his eyes wasn’t something either of them remember seeing.

“I apologize for the intrusion. My name is Bōfū Kaito. I couldn’t contain my curiosity when I heard _that_ song,” he looks at Karin and smiles, “I wondered where you might have heard it. I don’t mean to be presumptuous, but I hope I’m not wrong in assuming you taught it to him.”

Karin furrows her brow in thought before her face breaks out in a grin. “Bōfū! I remember my mother talking about the Bōfū, one of the clans of Uzushiogakure. I’m Uzumaki Karin, yeah! This is―it’s wonderful to meet you.”

“You as well, Ms. Uzumaki, you as well. I was actually looking at your friend over there, the tall one, and trying to see any Uzumaki in him, but his hair’s too orange and not enough red. I was so surprised! I was heading to Benisu Island and imagine my shock when I hear Uzumaki song on the docks.” Kaito leans back in the chair and sighs. “It seems like it’s just harder and harder to find anyone who knew old Uzushio how she was. You might have been too young, but it was something, girl.”

Karin notices Sarada crack the door open, so she can listen to their conversation. She decides not to let Sasuke know. She understands Sasuke’s overbearingness, but she encourages Sarada’s curiosity. Sarada wants to know. She needs to know the legacies that will follow her.

The Uzumaki didn’t all die in the initial attack. Red hair was the main signifier, but the other clans were subject to raiding and hunting too. People always forgot Uzushio wasn’t just home to the Uzumaki. The Uzumaki were the ones who built the village, a home in the middle of the sea. They were one of the strongest, but they weren’t the only ones with knowledge, skills, and bloodlines others wanted. They were all vulnerable, and had to flee inland, hiding the best they could. The coasts were too dangerous, and they didn’t have the funds, connections, or people to return to the life they once lived on the high seas.

The Bōfū were a clan with a strong wind affinity and their eyes were a dojutsu that allowed them to clearly see currents in the air. It helped them direct the wind for their jutsus. It wasn’t nowhere near as desired as the Byakugan or the Sharingan, but doujutsu were always sought after. They could be easily taken. When Sasuke mentions he is an Uchiha, Kaito bows his head in condolence and murmurs a prayer for the dead. There had been whispers. No one wanted to speak about the Uchiha, lest the Leaf come knocking at their door, but some had doubts. Some had questions. Destroying the eyes was considered the most important task anyone could do for a doujutsu user after death, and the Uchiha had that taken from them.

Histories were lost. Voices were silenced. Many tried to secret away scrolls, books, or write things down themselves. Uzumaki parents who survived shaved their children’s hair and brows if they couldn’t dye it. Their red was a calling card of what they were to enemies throughout the war, bloodline thieves, and anyone who sought to control them. Everyone was scared, and taught their children to be scared, and their children after them. Sasuke wonders if they really taught Sarada to be afraid, but knew it was true. Sarada knows to keep secrets, to never say her full name, that her necklace with the clan symbol could very well put in her in danger. They always give her warnings of what not to do, or what could be. Death shadows them all. Juugo, Suigetsu, Karin, and Sasuke; all of them only know a world full of slaughter. They want to protect Sarada from it.

Kaito pats Karin’s hand, “I mean no insult, but it must’ve been difficult for you. Thieves and traffickers and the like always prefer women over men, younger the better. I’m an old man. They’d just rip my eyes from my skull and be done with it, but women and girls don’t get that mercy.”

They all freeze when Sarada gasps.

Sasuke pulls Sarada out from the bedroom. Tear tracks run down her cheeks, and she tries not to meet Sasuke’s gaze. She bites her lip to hold back her crying, but starts up again when Sasuke lifts her. She buries her face into his neck, apologies for eavesdropping falling from her lips.

Kaito starts to apologize. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know she―”

Karin hushes him. “It’s alright.”

She caresses Sarada’s hair. “Mr. Bōfū, could you maybe tell us of Uzushio. What is was before, please?”

Kaito nods. It doesn’t escape his notice the little girl is an Uchiha with more than enough chakra to spare.

“There were reefs around the shore. Some are like the one’s here, but I hadn’t seen one that was like this one where dolphins used to congregate. Fishermen would take small nets and gather the fish with the dolphins swimming around taking their own catch. A river vast and long ran right through the village. I remember the bridges weren’t wood they were white stone. Many of the buildings were tall, towering over the hills and river, made of that same stone.”

Sarada sits in Sasuke’s lap and listens with rapt attention to Kaito. “The streets were cobbled too. Seals were always carved on everything. There were steep hills throughout the countryside. I remember the district I lived in was painted in bright colors. Clans would paint the white stone their colors and when the sun set―it was beautiful at sundown and sunrise. My mother told me a story once that hills were our gods, of sea, of sailing, of the current, were sleeping under the hills waiting for us to go back.”

Sasuke nods, “Thank you for telling us, Mr. Bōfū.”

The tea drank, Juugo offers to take Kaito out for a stiffer drink. A confused Suigetsu, work clothes still on, walks in the door and follows right back out when Juugo asks him to come get a drink with them. Sasuke cleans the tear streaks from Sarada’s cheeks and doesn’t even scold her for biting her knuckles.

Sasuke says, “Perhaps we should visit the ruins, pay our respects, if you want to. Even if we don’t maybe we could travel some. It might be good for Sarada, and we could meet with some of your contacts for intel.”

Karin nods thoughtfully, but Sasuke can tell her mind is somewhere else.

Karin asks, “Sasuke, can I talk to Sarada alone for a minute?”

Sasuke looks to Sarada. Sarada reaches her arms out for Karin to take her. Sasuke kisses Sarada’s forehead and passes her. While Karin takes Sarada into her room, Sasuke starts putting the dishes into the sink.

Karin asks, “Sarada, you know how Sasuke is your papa and you call him papa, and I’m your mama, but you don’t call me mama right?”

Sarada nods. “You’re Auntie Karin. My Karin!”

Karin presses her face against her hair, “I am, sweetie.”

“Do you wanna be mama, Auntie?” Sarada asks.

“I love you very much. I want you to never think I don’t. I know Mr. Bōfū said some scary things, but he didn’t lie. It’s harder for us. You’ll understand when you’re older, but we all can be in danger. I don’t wanna scare you, Sarada, I’m scared. I’m sorry. I’m still scared. My ma always taught me to be scared. Before I was born, before my dad died, he and my mother wished and hoped I would be born a boy.” Karin wipes her glistening eyes.

“We don’t have clans anymore. I wasn’t much of a fighter, so I had to be smarter and quick.. My mother died because people wanted her chakra. They’d want my chakra too. I can’t call myself a mother. I don’t know how to be one. I’m too scared. I’m sorry, Sweetie. You’ll be strong, Sarada. I don’t want you to have to be scared. I was still worried, before you were born, worried at the thought of losing you or you having to lose me. Losing an auntie would be easier than losing a mama.”

Sarada wraps her arms around Karin and hugs her, “No, no being scared. I’ll be strong. I’ll protect you and be safe. I love my Auntie Karin very much.”

Karin hugs Sarada tighter, “We, me, Juugo, Sasuke, and Suigetsu, will be strong and protect you. We’ll keep you safe. I love you too, Sarada, very much.

Their world isn’t kind, but they could try their best to live in it.

Learn of the past, learn from the past, and not forget it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I switch between working on this and Our Chains Will Not Become Our Noose which is Naruto but Fugaku is a main character and Sasuke is a child. It's also in a different tense, so sometimes it's hard to switch gears.


	7. Legacy of the Sharingan

“You need to be careful when handling weaponry, Sarada, these shuriken are not toys.” Sasuke says, “They’re sharp and can injury you or others, so be careful.”

Suigetsu whines, “This is so boring! When are we gonna get to the fun stuff? I want you guys to start blowing shit up so I can work on my water techniques. I thought we were traveling to start Sarada’s jutsu training anyway.”

Sasuke hands the shuriken carefully to Sarada and guides her to the target Juugo set up.

“She needs to start with the basics first, and she’s still memorizing hand seals. We’ll get there. You don’t need us starting fires to practice anyway.”

Suigetsu sits down next to Juugo on the grass. Karin went to pick up lunch from their benefactor, and in that time the three of them promised to get Sarada started on her training. They’d discussed travel plans on the boat ride interrupted with Juugo’s insistence on watching for whales, and Suigetsu trying to impress Sarada with tales about the majesty of his jutsus. He blames her lack of reaction to his water gun on her Uchiha heritage; too much pyro in the blood.

Karin plotted out a plan for once they hit the mainland: their checkpoints, contacts, and everything she thought would help them make a safe and successful journey. Suigetsu thought she was being paranoid, but Sasuke agreed with her. One could never prepare for everything, but preparation done to the best degree was always better than anything less. 

Sarada tests out the weight of the shuriken in her hands. Her first throw misses. Her second throw doesn’t make it to the target. She pouts and tries to remember all her math lessons. They usually involved things like trajectory and the like. If they didn’t, Suigetsu would fall asleep as soon as Karin opened her mouth to teach. Sarada ends up with another shuriken thrown into the bushes.

Sasuke smiles at her pouting, “It’s alright, Sarada. You don’t need to get it on your first try. Hold your feet a little further apart. Make sure your elbow is level, that’s it.”

Her next try doesn't hit the bullseye, but it makes it to the target.

“See! You’re doing fine.”

Sasuke wonders sometimes, when Sarada’s older, if she might think him too overbearing. He knows some of his attempts to comfort her come off a bit clumsy. He tries not to be too harsh with her, but old habits creep back sometimes. He can never manage to same finesse he remembers his mother having. His own father hadn’t handed out praise so easily. Sasuke decides to be less reserved with his praise. Sarada’s toothy grin is incentive enough, but also Juugo wouldn’t let up with his damn childcare books.

Suigetsu says, “You gotta get more on the target if you wanna eat lunch, kiddo.”

Juugo places the bird he had been petting on Suigetsu’s head, “Don’t listen to him, Sarada, you just do your best. You need to eat lunch for fuel in order to train to the best of your ability. Suigetsu is just joking.”

Suigetsu brushes the bird away and crosses his arms, “Don’t be a fucking wuss, Juugo. Sarada knows I’m joking.”

“ _Sarada_ is trying to focus!”Sarada huffs.

She throws another shuriken, and it lands just above the bullseye.

“Good throw, Sweetie!” Karin says, “you gonna start working with kunai after you get the hang of shuriken?” Karin has a picnic basket in one arm with a thick blanket under the other.  She drops the basket in Juugo’s lap before she starts rolling the blanket out.

Sasuke picks up the few scattered shuriken and leaves the ones in the target. Sarada jumps onto Suigetsu’s lap to grab a warm sweet bun before he can eat them all.

“Vegetables and fruit first, young lady.”

Sarada eats most vegetables. Pickled plums, onion, daikon, cabbage, bamboo shoots, mandarins, and apples, and pione, but the fruit Sasuke wants her to enjoy most she refuses to touch.

“Tomatoes are good, Sarada.”

Karin snorts, “They’re alright in dishes, but ya gotta admit it’s kinda weird to just eat it outright like an apple. Imagine eating a lemon like that.”

Suigetsu chuckles, “You think he does with how sour the he can get. Maybe that’s why he doesn't like sweets.”

“Shut it. Tomatoes are a healthy and tasty fruit which none of you appreciate like you should.” Sasuke takes the small box of cherry tomatoes all for himself, “Sugary things will rot your teeth anyway.”

Suigetsu shoves a sweet bun into his mouth and talks with his mouth full, “It’s _sooo_ good though.”

Karin shoves him, “That’s gross, quit it. Hey, Juugo whose side you on? Sweets or tomatos pick one.”

Juugo doesn’t reply.

Juugo stares off into the trees. He is usually more quiet than Suigetsu and Karin, but he doesn’t hesitate to add his own input. Brow furrowed under serious eyes, he searches out across the small clearing they set up for Sarada’s training. Sasuke listens closely for sounds, but hears nothing outside the forest creatures. The nearest town is miles away and their benefactor another mile.

Suigetsu waved a hand in front of Juugo’s face, “Juugo, hey, what’s up with you?”

“I thought I saw someone.”

Karin adjusts her glasses and abruptly stands, “I didn’t sense anyone. Are you sure?”

“I’m not sure,” Juugo replies, “It seemed like only a moment, so I can’t say for sure if I saw anyone, but I thought I did.”    

Suigetsu swallows the last of his sweet bun and starts to pack up the food, “Either way, we should go just to be safe. Maybe even start heading towards the Modoroki shrine if we need to.”

Sasuke resists the urge the pick up Sarada and carry her. She’d never learn to channel chakra through her feet properly if they didn’t let her tree jump on her own. Juugo might have just seen a game hunter who stumbled upon them, or a lost traveler, but Karin didn’t even sense the chakra of _anyone_ close anymore. A civilian couldn’t move so fast out of Karin’s range.

Sarada looks at his team and Sasuke sees the worry already filling her eyes. Her hands shake as she tries to fold the picnic blanket, and her eyes dart to where Juugo thought he had seen someone. Sasuke pats Sarada’s hair to reassure her.

“We’ll pick up your training later, okay? If you get good enough at throwing weapons I might show you an important jutsu.”

For a moment, Sarada forgets her fear and her eyes widen. “An important jutsu?”

“Yes, it’s a coming-of-age fire style jutsu. Uchiha aren’t considered a full member of the clan until they can perform it,” Sasuke says.

They decide to meet their contact near the Modoroki shrine. If Juugo did see someone, it would put some distance between them. The contact there owns an onsen, so that’s a plus. Suigetsu practically strips the moment they step through the door. After dinner, when everyone goes to relax in the hot spring, Sarada promises Sasuke she’ll catch up. She tells them she wants to finish her newest book. Sasuke always indulges her love of mystery novels. Everytime they come across a newstand, he picks up one he thinks she’ll like. Sarada makes a show of opening up her book, and sprawling on the tatami after they all leave.

She waits a few minutes, just to be sure no one forgot anything, then grabs her father’s pouch of kunai and shuriken. She saw a tree as they came in that would be a perfect practice target.    She needs to perfect weapon training. She’s got to if she wants to learn the jutsu Sasuke promised to show her. Sarada makes sure to scan the area, just like Karin showed her. She just notices civilians and animals in the area, no one of shinobi chakra caliber. Juugo hadn’t even been sure he’d seen anyone. Training some wouldn’t hurt. Sarada could show everyone how much she improved and then finally she’d start learning cool jutsu.

Elbow level, feet apart, hands steady; just like Sasuke showed her. Sarada didn’t hit the tree every time, but she kept trying.

Sarada focuses on the steady thump of metal on wood. She watches her stance, her hands, and remembers to release at the right time.

Sasuke will be so proud of her hard work. He might scold her for not telling them she was training, but the others would understand. Sarada wants to show them she can be strong.

Sarada wants to make them all proud.

The last shuriken from the pack flies from her hand and misses the tree. Just as it hits, a hand clasps over Sarada’s mouth. Sarada feels a familiar tingle of chakra on her skin she remembers from Karin’s lessons about the Uzumaki. _Seals._ A cloth covers her eyes before she can even turn around. She kicks and struggles feeling vindictive pleasure when her elbow slams, right between ribs, of a large body behind her. Knuckles slam into her face for that. She tries to wretch out from the hand covering her mouth. If she can scream, her family will hear. Cold hands pick her up and this time a foot to a crotch earns a quick transition from a hand to another seal. It sticks to her skin and no matter how much she tries, Sarada can barely pry her lips open enough to prod the paper with her tongue.

She told Karin she’d be strong. She promised. Tears prickle at the corner of her eyes as the people carrying her run. She thinks of what she could do. All the safety plans everyone went over with her slip from her brain. All she can think about is how the man’s fingers dig into her stomach as she’s carried. Sasuke only had one arm and _never_ carried her uncomfortably.

_Focus, focus._

Suigetsu whispered to her about shinobi, the dark side of their lives, when no one was around. Shinobi killed. It was their profession, as mercenaries, to take jobs that involve risks to their own lives at the cost of others. Juugo still tells her stories of princesses and animals that talked. Suigetsu would tell her the cutthroat politics of the royals behind his back. Sarada loved learning history, and Suigetsu didn’t want to her to believe the histories of nations weren’t soaked in blood.

They’d had plans for anything. They made back-up plan after back-up plan because being unprepared scared Karin more than anything. Sarada always tried to listen to the lessons. She just needed to think. She couldn’t escape. She couldn’t scream for help. Sarada feels for the gentle thrum of her own chakra. They didn’t seal it. She might not know any jutsu, and she can’t scream, but she could still call for help. Karin would sense her immediately.

Sarada quickly flares her chakra. Her ears ring after a fist slams into her head, but it’s quickly forgotten after she’s dropped on the ground. She can only listen to try and figure out what’s going on. The clang of steel against steel, feet on earth, choking,  gurgling, and screaming. Maniacal laughter, unfamiliar to her, rips through the air, It almost sounds like Juugo. She relaxes when Karin’s warm healing chakra radiates on her head. It eases the building ache.

“It’s okay, Sweetie, you’re okay. We’ve got you. You’re safe now. Don’t be scared. You’re okay, sweetie, you’re okay.”

Karin pulls Sarada into her lap and undos the seal on her mouth. Sarada can’t figure out what to say. Whimpers and cries fall from her lips, and Karin pets her hair and kisses her forehead. She shushes the apologies Sarada tries to work into some sort of coherence, but it’s hard when she can barely catch her breathe. The sharp coppery stench of blood attacks her nose. It surrounds her. She tries to focus on the pleasant lavender on Karin’s skin, but all she can smell is blood.

Suigetsu says, “Juugo’s calming down. I’ll take care of the bodies. These damn ronin got a hold of some good seals. Sasuke thinks they’ve been tracking us unseen for sometime. You take Sarada back to the osen, we’ll move out after we get everything packed, Sasuke will follow.”

She recognises Suigetsu’s always-damp hand stroke her cheek.

Karin doesn’t take off the blindfold until they’re away from blood and bodies.

She sits Sarada on the ground and the moment Sarada sees Sasuke she wants nothing more than to throw herself at him. She murmurs apologies while trying to look at him through her tears. For a split second, Sarada thinks Sasuke is going to slap her. Her father never struck her before. Instead, he grasps her chin in his hand forcing her to meet his eye. Sarada flinches under his stern burning gaze. His rinnegan is uncovered. He’s furious. She knows it. She lied to him, and put herself in danger because of it. She didn’t mean to, but it doesn’t absolve her guilt.

“ _Uchiha Sarada_ , you told me you were going to read! You were _not_ reading. Do you know how terrified I was when Juugo went back into the room only to find you gone? We take precautions for a reason! Juugo thought he had seen someone suspicious. We traveled miles ahead of schedule because of it. We take precautions for everyone’s safety, _especially yours_ .” Sasuke traces the bruise blossoming on Sarada’s eye, “I was so scared. You know why we teach you ourselves, why you don’t go to school. You know why we don’t tell people our name. You _know_ why we hide, Sarada!”

“I know, Papa. I know, I’m sorry! I’m sorry.” Sarada sniffles and tries to control her trembling.

Sasuke pulls Sarada tightly to his chest. Sarada buries her face into his neck and sobs. He brings her as close as he can to him and tries not to think about what had been racing through his head. When they saw the room empty, Sasuke saw her dead body, her head with empty eye sockets, grown men with their hands on his daughter. He swallows and tries to focus on Sarada. Her rough hair, thin shoulders, her fingers clutching at the back of his shirt; Sasuke lets those things tell him his daughter is alive and fine.

“It’s okay. It’s okay. I’m right here, you’re safe. You didn’t mean to to. It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault. I wanted to wait till you were older, I just wanted to wait a bit longer. I’m sorry.” Sasuke picks her up and cradles her against him as he walks back to the onsen. Everytime she starts to cry again, he hushes her and tells her it’s all right.

It’s not alright. Sarada wonders whose fault it is. She wonders what he’s sorry for. Sarada wants to be strong; strong enough to be safe. Sarada knows what Karin told her of bloodlines, of what Suigetsu told her of the true lives of shinobi.

None of them have clans anymore to protect them.

They don't have villages to turn to.

They have to keep one another safe; to be strong for each other. Sarada clings to her father. Karin packs their things quickly, and it isn’t long before their back in the trees again. Juugo buries his face into her hair when they meet up. His body shakes and Sasuke warns him to calm himself. Sarada kisses his cheek. Suigetsu picks the blood from under his nails as they jump through the trees. They don’t stop, even when Sarada’s stomach growls or Suigetsu’s water bottle starts running low until they get to the next safe house.

After her bath, Sarada sits in Sasuke’s lap and asks him questions. He always said _when you’re older._ This time he tells her. She’s his little girl. His only child. If Sasuke could, he’d protect her from the world, but knows he can’t.

Sarada asks him about the things he doesn’t want to talk about. She had heard stories involving Naruto, and she knew he was someone important, but she didn’t truly know _who_ Uzumaki Naruto was.

“I thought Naruto was the sun. He was bright, Sarada, so bright, just so warm. Karin even said his chakra was blindingly bright too. He was stupid, messy, and didn’t have any table manners. He ate ramen so I’m surprised his face wasn’t just perpetually covered in salt.  He always claimed to never give up, and when we were kids he screamed about wanting to be hokage. He wanted attention. He just wanted people to look at him. I didn’t know why then people didn’t look at him, but I was also kind of oblivious to rumors. He was annoying, but kind of funny too. I didn’t know he was a jinchuriki let alone what that even was. The village shoved him down and he would grin even though it hurt. At a time, I would’ve called him my one and only friend. He was one of my most important people after my family died. I treasured his friendship, even if I didn’t always want to admit it even to myself.”

The simmering of betrayal fizzled out long ago, but the bubbling of doubt resurfaces when he talks about Naruto again. Sasuke tries to always remember the good times. Their connection, their bond. He wonders if Naruto felt the same poison in his veins when he found an empty cell. Naruto’s tears hadn’t been faked every time he begged him to come back to the Leaf. He didn’t have all the answers. He didn’t know if Naruto screamed and carried on, in the self-assured way he did, throughout the Hokage tower badgering everyone for his release. He likes to imagine Naruto continuing being a brat like he used to be, but they are adults now..

Sarada buries her face into his shirt and revels in the safety, “Tell me about your family, not me, Uncle Juugo, Auntie Karin, and Uncle Suigetsu, but from _before_.”

Sasuke rests his chin on her head. Sarada needs to know. She should know. Sasuke wants to spare her from the pain, from the memories he has, but he finds himself talking anyway.

“My father and I weren’t that close. He kept a distance, although now that I think about it, Itachi did too in his own way. I looked up to my father and wanted his praise more than anything. I wanted so badly for him to acknowledge my strengths, but I hadn’t seen how much hope they put onto Itachi. In contrast, my mother almost always kept me at her side. I wanted to be seen as strong so badly I thought she smothered me too much, but I adored her still. My brother I idolized. I thought he was perfect. No one can be perfect, Sarada, some people just hide it better than others. Itachi was broken, but the prodigal son couldn’t afford to be. I loved him, I still love him, and I hated him too even as I tried to deny myself that I loved him still. For a long time, my only goal was to kill my brother. I didn’t plan for anything else. Maybe I figured there wouldn’t be anything else. But now I have you, and Juugo, and Karin, and Suigetsu too.”

He falters when he think of Konoha. The word is stale on his tongue. The people that lived there like Naruto, have the nostalgia to soothe the old aches, but the Leaf village itself and it’s ideals he can’t agree with. The greater good of the Leaf and it’s upper echelon killed his clan. They preached of the Curse of Hatred that could only be combated by the Will of Fire. _Love the key to peace. Sacrificing oneself for the betterment of the village._ They said the village in its entirety was a family, and yet the Uchiha had their love for that family they were said to be apart of spat on.

“Tell me, Papa, please.”

“There’s an old saying that cold tea and cold rice are bearable, but not cold looks and cold words. What do you do when the village you built for peace turns on you? They were _afraid_ Sarada, and I barely knew it. Everyone tried hard to protect me from it until it was too late. What could anyone do when instead of looking the people they killed in the eye, someone sends one of their own to do the job. Uchiha stand for one another before everything else. Sending their own son to be their executioner was cruel; every man, woman, and child, Sarada, babies in their cribs. What could babies have done? We saw out our usefulness and  they saw fit to be rid of us. I know I wasn’t just kept alive on Itachi’s whim. They still wanted our bloodline. People will always want our sharingan eyes, Sarada. Sometimes that’s all they will want us for. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

Sarada doesn’t want her father to apologize; like he is apologizing for bringing her into such a world. She hasn’t even activated her sharingan. She might not ever, and yet the very prospect is too much for some, and even then it’s still present in her blood. The sharingan is a coveted bloodline that has been desired for centuries. Sasuke left the village because of a man who wanted it more than anything. People will always want the power of the sharingan.

Sarada knows Sasuke wouldn’t like it if she commented on the shaking of his shoulders.

He never berates her when she cries.

Sarada just wraps her arms around him, and tells him she’s safe.

She’s safe.

 


	8. Strangers and Friends

“Uncle Suigetsu, I don’t feel good.”

“I know, kiddo, I know”

Suigetsu brushes back Sarada’s sweaty hair from her forehead. He tucks the blankets he’d piled onto Sarada closer around her. Sarada started out complaining of a headache and achy muscles. Suigetsu chalked it up to growing pains or allergies, until the sniffles became louder and the warm red cheeks couldn’t be ignored. Suigetsu could only get a little soup into her mouth before she refused to eat any more, and her attempts at napping on the couch were interrupted by bouts of shakes and sweats. 

Of course the one day Sasuke decides to leave Sarada alone, she falls ill. Sasuke, Karin, and Juugo went out to help old prisoners of Orochimaru’s, while Suigetsu offered to watch Sarada for the day. He figured they’d have a nice day hanging out on their own. Suigetsu hopes their luck won’t keep on the same track it has been. For a while after Sarada’s attempting kidnapping, Sasuke refused to let Sarada out of his sight. Sarada finally snapped at him when he tried to stand guard at the bathroom. Sarada tries not to mind his coddling and protectiveness, but there are limits. Suigetsu, Karin, and Juugo all try to ease his worries the best they can. They tell him they’ll all keep an eye on her, but surely no assassins or traffickers are hiding behind the toilet. They test Sarada on escape measures, safety tips, and protocols in the event another kidnapping. They all want Sarada safe, but smothering her until she can’t breathe won’t help. 

Sarada usually loves spending time with Suigetsu. Suigetsu holds his title of ‘The Fun Uncle’  with pride, even with Karin’s whispers ‘irresponsible’ under her breathe and Juugo coughing ‘spoiling her’ into his fist. He just wants Sarada to have fun and smile. Now, Sarada sniffles and struggles to breathe through a stuffy nose. She huddles miserably on the couch not wanting any books, toys, or funny stories. She wipes her nose, a growing pile of tissues next to her, and grumbles and whines about everything hurting. 

She asks, "when's Papa coming home?”

Suigetsu really doesn’t know. He assumes they’d all be back by the evening, but Sasuke didn’t give him an exact time. 

“Soon, kiddo.”

“I want Papa,” Sarada clutches her stuffed dinosaur to her chest. 

“I know, he’ll be back soon. He’s helping out some people with Karin and Juugo, but he’ll hurry I know it,” he tells her. 

Suigetsu feels her forehead. It burns under his touch. Uchiha generally run warmer than most, but Sarada’s fever isn’t going down. They’d used up the fever reducer when the last family they stayed with had sick children. Sarada probably picked it up there. Karin took her stash of medicines and herbs with her. He heard tea helps with congestion and stomach aches, but Sarada only takes small sips. As Sarada whines, Suigetsu resists the urge. Her virus couldn’t wait just a  _ little _ while longer. 

He wets a cold cloth and dabs her face before putting it on her forehead. She doesn’t want to take a bath. When Suigetsu tries to coax her up, she cries about her stomach hurting. Suigetsu considers himself a ruthless man, but that doesn’t mean he can handle Sarada crying. It breaks his heart every time. He tries soothing her, but she still wears herself out crying. She tells him it hurts and she wants her papa. Suigetsu wants to ease her pain. He feels useless. 

He’d seen a medicine shop when they came into town. Suigetsu can’t remember where exactly, but knows it wasn’t far. All of his efforts weren’t helping. Suigetsu figures he could wait for Sasuke, Karin, and Juugo to return, but the rising fever worries him. Sarada needs medicine, a doctor, something.

Suigetsu says, “Hey, how about we go get you some medicine, hm? It’s not too far and it’ll help you feel better.”

She whines, curled up with her arms cradled around her stomach, and shakes her head, “Don’t wanna. Hurts. Don’t wanna.”

“Sarada, I know it hurts, kiddo. I can’t make it better if you don’t work with me here.”

Suigetsu tries to lift her, but stops when she starts to cry. 

The shop didn’t seem that far. He can make a quick trip there, then come back. 

“Okay, how about this?” he asks, “What if I run to get some medicine real quick, back so soon you won’t even notice it, and you stay put right here? 

Sarada just wants to feel better. She’d settle for her father, but medicine that’ll help her feel better will do. She says, “Kay.” 

Suigetsu kisses her forehead, “You just cuddle your toy, blow your nose, and try to get some sleep. Don’t forget to drink your tea too. I’ll be back soon.”

Sarada mumbles against her blankets, “You said Papa would be back soon too.”

Everything aches, but the tension in her stomach hurts the worst. She slowly sips the tea, but every sip settles heavily.. The very smell of the soup unsettled her. Sarada doesn’t want to risk eating it and provoke the churning in her stomach. If it wasn’t too cold, it was too hot. If it wasn’t sweat dampening her body it was fierce shivers overtaking her. A dull throb in her forehead and temples only adds to the misery. She knows lying on her father’s chest instead of the plush couch wouldn’t help much, but she thinks it might help just a little. Sarada doesn’t remember the last time she had been truly sick, but Sasuke always tries his best to comfort her even when she has the smallest sniffle . 

He runs his fingers through her hair and sings softly until she falls asleep. Sasuke holds her in his lap, even when she protests claiming to be a big girl who doesn’t need to be held. He presses his forehead against hers and looks at her with his one sharingan eye, before kissing her head. He says Uchiha would often do that with their children. Their enemies feared their sharingan for its power used on them, but Uchiha children had nothing to fear. To Uchiha children, their parents sharingan was a comfort, familiar, and for those who possessed the eyes to memorize what was precious. Sarada looks at the door to see if Suigetsu returned, but no one’s there. Her throat itches. She just wants her father to walk through the door. She closes her eyes and tries to think sleepy thoughts. If she goes to sleep, then her father will get back faster. 

Any thoughts of sleep leave when she hears voices outside. 

“You said Sasuke was spotted around here!”

“Yes, what is thought to be him was spotted in the area, but you yelling isn’t helping.”

Sarada shoots up from her blankets and tries to push down the nausea. She looks at the door to see if anyone came in, but then thinks again. A shinobi wouldn’t come straight through the front door. The people are looking for her father. They said Sasuke. She considers her options. Sarada knows she isn’t much use sick, she can’t fight much anyway, and she doesn’t think she could run far. She burrows back into her blankets and pulls one over her head. Holding her stuffed dinosaur to her chest, Sarada decides the best course of action is to wait. Suigetsu said he’d be back soon. 

Sarada listens for footsteps, windows opening, boards creaking, any sign of people entering the house, but knows a good shinobi wouldn’t make noises like that. The voices made her think maybe they’d burst in without a care in the world, but maybe one of them was just rowdy. 

Sarada tries to focus on the chakras. Closing her eyes, her head hurts too much, but she still tries to note the whirling colors of chakra around her. She struggles to pinpoint them, but knows they’re close. She counts about four or three people. 

Sarada holds her breathe when one of the chakras is suddenly in front of her. The chakra is overwhelming. There’s so much of it. It’s suffocating and humid. The sour taste creeping up her throat makes her pull away from the chakra. She loses track of them all. She doesn’t want to look out of her blankets, but she feels someone standing over her. Sarada can see the shadow of a man through the fabric. 

The man pulls the blanket off her head. 

Sarada squeaks, but quickly covers her mouth. She doesn’t want to make the people angry. Suigetsu will take care of them, but she’d rather avoid getting hit. No screaming for help. Suigetsu promised he’d be back soon. The man blinks and stares at her with bright blue eyes. He calls to his comrades, “There’s a girl?”

Sarada stares back at the man. He’s blond with a round face. The markings on his face look like a cat’s whiskers. One of his arms, wrapped in bandages, gives off a faint but odd chakra. His chakra, as a whole, is intense. 

Sarada watches his hands, as he kneels down in front of her. When his comrades come in she watches their careful steps. A woman with pink hair, perhaps a medic by her pouches, and a tall sketchy man with a mask covering the lower half of his face. Sarada’s first assumption of human traffickers goes out the window. Etched into metal, a leaf adorns the headband on the masked man’s forehead. 

They’re leaf village shinobi, and they’re searching for her father. 

Sarada can’t hold back the whimper that escapes her lips. She hugs her plush closer. They want to put Sasuke in prison. They want to take her father away. 

The blond man says, “Hey, it’s okay. We’re not gonna hurt you. We’re looking for a friend of ours. What you doing here all by yourself? What’s your name?”

Sarada shakes her head. She’s not going to help them take her father away. 

The woman huffs, “Naruto, she looks scared out of her mind. She’s not going to answer you.”

_ Naruto.  _

Chakra like the sun, the leaf village, Naruto; Sarada can’t help but wonder. 

Sarada asks, “Naruto? Like Uzumaki Naruto?”

The man’s wide grin stretches his cheeks, “You heard of me? Yeah, Uzumaki Naruto at your service! No need to be scared of me, promise.”

“I’ve heard of you. My papa says you’re funny but also stupid.”

The woman snickers while Naruto sputters and whines. 

She says, “I’m Sakura. You look a bit flushed. Are you alright? Where’s your papa?”

Sarada tries to hide behind her blanket, but Naruto pulls it back down, “He’s not here, and I don’t feel good.”

The masked man’s analyzing gaze makes her shiver. 

He says, “Name’s Kakashi, but you haven’t introduced yourself. That’s rude, you know.”

“I’m Sarada.”

Naruto replies, “That’s a pretty name. Sarada, this is really important, okay. Sakura’s a medic and can look you over since you’re not feeling too good, but we’re looking for someone. His name’s Uchiha Sasuke. He’s my friend and we really need to find him.”

“Why do you need to find him?”Sarada asks. 

The sad look in Naruto’s eyes makes Sarada reconsider her silence. 

“I need to. I’m not gonna give up. He’s my friend. I haven’t seen him a really long time, Sarada, and he’s really important to me. He’s got dark spiky hair, one arm, and a weird purple eye. Have you seen him?”

“I think she’s seen him.”

Sarada tries to push down the fear when Kakashi speaks up. She tries to keep it from showing on her face. Sakura and Naruto both look at Kakashi in confusion. Sarada wishes more than anything she was well. Her aching body and tender stomach don’t help much when she tries to pull away when Kakashi reaches for her. Naruto starts to protest until Kakashi pulls her necklace out of her shirt. Kakashi holds the white and red Uchiwa charm in between his fingers and glances at his companions. Sarada can’t stop the tears running down her cheeks. It only worsens her stuffy nose. Sakura’s eyebrows furrow, while Naruto still huffs in confusion. 

“Seems Sasuke wasn’t  _ just _ hiding after he left,” Kakashi says, “Sarada here has the Uchiha look about here; eyes, hair, and nose. I think she seems to take a bit after her  _ papa.  _ Don’t you think? _ ” _

Naruto chuckles, “No way, Kakashi-sensei, come on be serious. Just because she has that necklace and---maybe she does look a little bit familiar but come on.”

Kakashi drops her necklace, “Denial only goes so far, Naruto.”

Sarada tries to get away from them, stumbles when dizziness comes over her. Her stomach rumbles uncomfortably. Lying back down is the best option. She throws her dinosaur at Kakashi. He catches it, but she doesn’t care. She’s too tired to care. She’s warm, and nauseous, and wants Suigetsu to hurry. 

Sakura feels Sarada’s forehead and frowns, “Either way it doesn’t matter. Her fever is too high. She need medical attention.”

Naruto picks Sarada up, “Okay, Sarada, we’ll get you feeling better and then we’ll take you to your---uh--- dad how does that sound?”

She can’t work up the energy to protest. She hopes they won’t hurt her, even if they’re Leaf shinobi. They seem nice, but they could just be acting nice to gain her trust. Sasuke said Naruto had been his one and only friend once. Sarada thinks Naruto might not want to hurt her. She knows Sasuke will come get her. Suigetsu will come back, see her gone, and get help. She just has to wait. 

She ends up throwing up on Kakashi, but feels like he deserves it. 

They say they’ll take her to her father, and Naruto and Sakura are kind, but Suigetsu always warns her about being too naive. 

Sarada tears off her necklace and drops it as they run.

Sasuke will find her. 

He promised. 

 


	9. Can't Run Forever

“Kiddo, I’m back! Got some medicine and I picked up some popsicles too.”

No reply.

Suigetsu calls into the house listening for any sounds, “You okay, kiddo?”

He thinks maybe she was finally able to fall asleep, but finds the couch empty. Sarada’s stuffed dinosaur lies on it’s side near the wall. Her tissues still piled on the end table. She’s not in the bathroom, or the kitchen.

“Sarada, where are you? Sarada? Sarada!”

He searches throughout the house and surrounding area. The house is empty. No Sarada anywhere. He races around calling her name. Suigetsu can’t say he’s known for his skills as a tracker. He considers himself more of a ‘point at to kill’ kind of guy. Karin is the tracker. Karin would be able to find Sarada in a heartbeat, just like she did the last time Sarada went missing.  Suigetsu retraces his own steps to see if maybe Sarada tried to follow him, but sees no signs of a little girl. His fingers itch for his water bottle. Sipping on it soothes him, even though Karin calls him a baby for it. He can’t find Sarada on his own. He can’t. He doesn’t know what to do.

He left Sarada alone.

Sarada is gone.

Sasuke’s gonna kill him.

Suigetsu runs to where he knew Karin, Sasuke, and Juugo were headed with a heavy heart and an uneasy stomach. He wonders if perhaps he caught the bug Sarada had, but knows the churning isn’t from illness.

Sasuke’s fist in his face, forcing him to puddle, is at least better than a chidori. It doesn’t really hurt him, but Suigetsu hopes it helps some with the frustration, anger, and fear. The fear shows plainly on Sasuke’s face. Karin gets a run-down of exactly what happened from Suigetsu, while Juugo tries to calm Sasuke down. It doesn’t work.

His sick little daughter kidnapped, and he’d promise to keep her safe.

“I told her!” Sasuke yells, “I told her when those fucking ronin took her that we all would protect her! That it wouldn’t happen again! You left her alone. You left my daughter, sick, and alone.”

“Sasuke, I’m sorry!” Suigetsu tries to explain, “Her fever was bad and we didn’t have any medicine I---”    

Sasuke cuts him off, “Is that supposed to make me feel better? If her fever was getting bad you shouldn’t have left her alone. Look what happened! Now who knows how she’s doing? We don’t know who took or her or why. If could’ve been ronin like last time or traffickers looking for a quick ryo. She could be _dead_!”

Sasuke’s voice chokes on the last word, but he wills himself not to cry. He can’t cry. He won’t. He hates crying in front of others. Rage is a much more familiar friend.

Sasuke wonders if it’s possibly someone seeking revenge against him, or someone looking for the sharingan. Sasuke thinks of whoever took her doing whatever they can to force her sharingan to activate. Killing innocent people in front of her, or forcing her to hurt people, and the blood soaking her clothes; dark crimson staining his little girl’s favorite striped navy yukata. He can imagine Sarada’s long lashed eyes, so much like his mother’s, wide with fear and blazing a pinwheel pattern in the iris. An unknown figure holding her by her hair while a hand prys open her eyelid, and reaches into her eye socket as she screams for her father. He thinks of them not killing her, but keeping her. She’s a girl, but she won’t always be. They might wait. Wait until they can take sharingan of their own.  Sasuke gags and pushes down the urge to strangle Suigetsu.

He wishes they had run further.

He wishes they never left the Crescent Moon.

Sasuke wishes for a lot of things, but wishing won’t get his daughter back.

Juugo puts a hand on his shoulder, “Sasuke, we’ll find her. Suigetsu’s sorry. He made a mistake, but he couldn’t have anticipated this. Yelling at him isn’t getting us anywhere. We’ll circle back to the house as quickly as we can and pursue from there.

Sasuke takes off his eyepatch, “I’ve been practicing with the rinnegan. I think I’ve managed a variant of shunshin. I can go faster than ahead and you lot can follow after.”

Karin attempts to stop him. She isn’t convinced by his words involving ‘I think I’ve managed and practicing.’ Juugo’s never without faith in him, and Sasuke knows Juugo will be prepared to back him up when the time comes. Suigetsu simply nods, still downtrodden, refusing to look Sasuke in the eye. Sasuke thinks when his temper cools, he might feel a tinge of guilt, an itch at his mind that he was too harsh, but now all he can think about is the boiling rage under his skin.

Suigetsu can make his apologies later when he has Sarada back.  

Whoever took her won’t be allowed that much mercy.

Sasuke runs through the forest, switching between the treetops and the land beneath. He runs and keeps running. He goes as quickly as he can, while looking for any signs of shinobi passing through the area. He stops when a glint of silver catches his eye. Hidden in the grass and leaves, he finds a lost necklace.

A broken chain, still holding a hand-crafted Uchiwa charm, tells him he’s going in the right direction. Sasuke ignores the wetness that comes to his eyes as he holds the dusty necklace in his grasp. He needs to focus. Sarada can’t be too far. He just needs to catch up. Sasuke tucks the necklace into his pocket and rubs at his rinnegan eye. It takes a lot out of him to use certain techniques. He figures one more won’t hurt.

Sarada is waiting for him.

She needs him, and he’s not going to let her down.

 

* * *

 

    Breaking through the trees at top speed, a familiar head of golden blond hair momentarily snatches the air from Sasuke’s lungs. He believes he’s mistaken before he recognizes the pink and grey beside it. He can’t think. He can’t breathe. Sasuke had thought, in his nostalgic contemplative moments, of what he would say should he ever see Naruto again. He’d considered what might be the circumstances, should they meet again. He’d wondered if Naruto kept his promise to never stop trying to bring him back to the Leaf. Naruto called it home, but Sasuke knew he never would again. A even more familiar head of dark hair, with chakra like a crackling fire, her small body held in Uzumaki Naruto’s arms helps clear his mind. Rage, that once simmered in his belly, engulfs his entire body boiling in his veins.

Naruto has his daughter.

Naruto has Sarada.

_The Leaf has Sarada._

Sasuke always strived to be composed in front of Sarada, calm for her, and act as a collected leader for his team. Naruto always did have a nact for riling him up. He screams in a way he hadn’t in so long.

“NARUTO!”

Sasuke grips the necklace in his pocket, hoping to steady the shaking of his hands, and spits out each word, “What _the hell_ are you doing with _my daughter!”_

Kakashi and Sakura moving into a defensive position when he jumps out of the trees only slightly registers in the back of his mind. He doesn’t care about them. They can try what they like. Sasuke doesn’t care if it’s arrogant, he doesn’t think they can truly match him if he’s going all out; only Naruto can. He notes Naruto’s growth, taller and broader, probably still training. The fight would be a hard one, but Sasuke only has eyes for the little girl Naruto is holding against his chest. Sarada is shaking with her hair plastered against her sweaty forehead.

Naruto opens his mouth, but Kakashi slaps a hand over his mouth and speaks instead.

“We’re not here to fight right now, Sasuke. We came across this little one and she’s pretty sick. We’re just trying to help.”

Sasuke scoffs, “Like I’d believe that. Why would you three specifically be out here if it didn’t involve me? I can’t say I really want a fight either, all I care about is getting Sarada taken care of, but if you don’t give her back to me you’ll get a fight.”

Naruto wiggles out of Kakashi’s grasp and yells, “Why do you have a kid, bastard? Are you married or something? We’re looking for  you because we care, ya idiot! I told you I’d bring you home, and you run off, and no one can fucking find you! I should kick your ass. I mean, I won’t, cause hell Sarada looks alot like ya, so of course she’s your kid, and she’s not feeling too hot but come on!”

Sasuke doesn’t care enough to answer any of Naruto’s questions. He wants to ask why everytime Naruto speaks it’s word vomit out of his mouth, but holds it back.

“Give her to me---now!” He demands.

Naruto’s face falls for a split second before he hides it behind a pleasant smile. It’s fake, Sasuke knows it is. Naruto still gently passes Sarada off to him, even under Kakashi’s sharp sentinel, and whispers to her they they told her they’d take her to her dad. Sasuke feels like he can breathe again when he finally has Sarada, even though it takes his only hand from him should a fight need to happen.  The overwhelming rage settles, even if it’s still there. Kakashi claims they just came across a child and want to help, but Sasuke isn’t stupid. He knows they were looking for him, and instead they found the perfect bait to find him.

Sarada presses her face into Sasuke’s neck and Sasuke tries to hush her tired whimpers. Sarada starts to cry, until she also starts violently cough and gag. Sasuke sets her down on unsteady legs and holds back her hair as she vomits into the dirt. Kakashi passes a water bottle, and Sasuke isn’t discreet when he sniffs the bottle before handing it to Sarada. It’s enough to see the flash of offence in Kakashi’s furrowed brows and narrowed eyes. Sasuke doesn’t care what they think of him as he holds his daughter, whispering solace and pressing kisses into her hair. Sasuke shoves down any protests when Sakura’s mystical palm technique is pressed against Sarada’s stomach. He doesn’t trust them, but it eases the heaving and seems to soothe her.

Sakura’s polite smile and timidity in her movements almost makes Sasuke cringe, until he realizes her eyes are only on Sarada. When her eyes meet his, Sakura’s face turns completely professional. He thinks about it and realizes how much time had passed since he’s seen them all. It’s been years. People change. Then again, she hadn’t changed after his years with Orochimaru either, but they’d all been younger then. Maybe she, like Naruto, assumed he had a secret wife hidden away somewhere and he’d started a new normal life far from the Leaf.

“Sasuke, your daughter is very sick. I’ve managed to lower her fever a bit, but I can’t completely heal her here. She requires an immunization I don’t have, and she’ll more than likely be dehydrated. The fever isn’t gone and frankly I need to take her to the hospital in order to treat her properly. We aren’t that far from the village. We can help her there.”

Sasuke curls his lip. An immediate no sits on his tongue, but the acid stench of Sarada’s vomit, Sarada’s strained breathy crying, and the sweat soaking Sasuke’s shirt makes him reconsider. Kakashi, Naruto, and Sakura were looking for him to take him back to the Leaf. Sasuke thinks Naruto and Sakura might hold nostalgia of days passed and memories of friendship at the forefront of their minds, but he has no illusions about Kakashi.

He wants freedom. He can’t bare the thought of being trapped again.

He hopes the optimistic look in Naruto’s eye will be enough.

Sasuke doesn’t want to step foot in the Leaf again, but Sarada means more. She needs help, and the Leaf is close---too close for comfort and any thoughts of escaping Naruto and his cohorts unscathed. He has to think about Sarada.

Sasuke has to wait for his team to catch up, until then---he’s surrounded. He situates Sarada firmly against his chest, and concedes. He’ll go to the Leaf.

As they run, Sasuke grinds his teeth trying to deal with the uncomfortable air that Naruto and Sakura seem to be oblivious to. Kakashi of course doesn’t seem to care, but Sasuke knows he’s the guard and works hard on his forced apathy. Sarada doesn't say much aside from the whispers of papa and sorry. Sasuke simply tries his best to comfort her ignoring the looks his new traveling companions give him. They can think him  a cold-unfeeling bastard all they want. His problems had never been because of being too unemotional. Uchiha care about their own.

Naruto bounces with excitement as they jump through the trees, “Sasuke, you didn’t answer any of my questions, ya know. How’d you get a kid? Why?”

Sasuke think he might as well humor him, but that doesn’t mean he’s going to be honest. Being silent would just make the idiot more rowdy.

“I’d have figured by your age now you’d know how babies come to be, if you don’t, I’m sure Kakashi can explain it to you.”

Naruto’s red face and spluttering almost makes him chuckle---almost.

Sakura’s pinkened cheeks stand out with her hair when she asks, “Naruto asked if you were married before. Why wasn’t your wife with Sarada when we found her if you don’t mind me asking?”

“Simple. I’m not married.”

Kakashi’s voice makes Sasuke want to punch him in the face.

“An illegitimate child. How scandalous, Sasuke!”

“Uchiha have never cared about legitimacy in term of marriage. Sarada has Uchiha blood and thus all rights afforded to it. If you would, Hatake, I’d really prefer if you would shut the fuck up. You’re annoying me.”

Kakashi chuckles, “Still as surly as ever, and swearing in front of  child? No need to be so formal either we know each other just call me Kakashi, Sasuke.”

Naruto whines, “Come on, Kakashi-sensei, quit it. We haven’t seen Sasuke in years and you’re being a weird dick. I mean you always kind of are, but you usually tone it down most of the time.”

Kakashi’s teasing tone falls into a serious as he says, “Uchiha Sasuke broke out of containment. We’re still unsure how you did it, by the way, although based on the knocked out guards it was assumed you had accomplices. Your team of Orochimaru’s experiments weren’t accounted for, so it was assumed to be them. You’re imprisonment, Sasuke, was meant to be temporary until the council and a number of others came to a decision on your fate. You’re quite lucky it wasn’t execution. You did threaten to kill a number of the Kage and kidnapped a jinchuriki among other things.”

Sakura and Naruto’s moods plummet and Sasuke bites his tongue for most of Kakashi’s words. He doesn’t care what Kakashi thinks of him, what the Leaf thinks, or what they believe his _crimes_ are, but he won’t stand for his team to be slandered.

“Their names are Suigetsu, Karin and Juugo. Do not call them Orochimaru’s experiments, associates, or whatever again. They’re my team. Their my friends. Do not insult them again.”

Naruto argues, “You were cleared, Sasuke, really. I mean it was kind of conditional, but whatever I mean it got all worked out in the end although they were pissed to find you gone. I mean I was kinda pissed too. We all missed you, ya know. Forget all that crap. Kakashi-sensei’s just being Kakashi-sensei. There’s a lot to catch you up on.”

Sasuke thought an affirmative hum would be enough. He didn’t care. He didn’t care if they cleared him when the leaf committed far greater crimes. He didn’t care how pissed anyone was. _He didn’t want to forget._ He only listens with half and ear as Naruto talks about his friends, notably not saying anything about himself. Sakura comments his hair looks nice short, but Sasuke ignores it. Kakashi presses him about who Sarada’s mother is, but Sasuke ignores it too. Sarada at least managed to fall into an uneasy slumber, lulled by the gentle rhythm of running, and the feeling of safety with her father. Sasuke figures it might be a good plan. Focus on Sarada, and ignore everyone else. Naruto would have issue with it though.

They stop at the towering red gates of Konoha and  Sasuke wants nothing more than to turn around the leave immediately. He’s finally returned to the Leaf. He thought when he and his team slipped out under the cover of night, all those years ago, he’d never see it again. He hoped he wouldn’t anyway. He hadn’t wanted to look back. Listening to Naruto babble as they stand at the gates, makes Sasuke’s chest ache. He hadn’t wanted to dwell on the past. Sarada’s rattled coughing brings him back to reality.

What if they put him back in the cell?

Back to the dark.

Back to being alone.

He holds Sarada tighter and turns to Kakashi, “If this is a ruse to imprison me, I will kill you. I promise you that.”

Naruto pleads, “Sasuke---”

Sasuke interrupts, “No, Naruto, don’t start. I’m serious. I am here to get help for Sarada. Nothing more. Don’t have any fallacies or ill fated dreams of more than that. This is not my home.”

Sasuke fights the urge to run. He wants to run. Faster, further this time. Run. Just run.

He holds Sarada tighter, takes a deep breathe, and walks towards the village.

 


	10. Konohagakure

As soon as he enters the gates, Sasuke just wants to turn back around and leave.

Everything is different. The buildings are newly constructed after Pein’s destruction and even more towers and apartments are still going up as the village grows. Sasuke has seen advancements in technology in Moon Country but seeing it in the Leaf, what had once been old and familiar, was jarring. The scent of familiar forest scent is overshadowed by the new smells of smoke and metal. Sarada tries to look around, but Sasuke encourages her to put her head back down on his shoulder and rest. It’s not so much as he doesn’t want her to see the Leaf, as much as he doesn’t want her to see the stares. The guards at the gate practically fell out of their chairs when Kakashi identified the man with them as Uchiha Sasuke. It takes people a moment when they see him, His hair cut, eyepatch and older face helps, but he still looks like an Uchiha. He has his father’s rough hair, and his mother’s features. Once people got past the initial change, and noticed his company of the old Team Seven, they realize Sasuke has returned to Konoha.

Sasuke keeps his head up and ignores it. He ignores Naruto and Sakura’s sympathetic gazes. He doesn’t need their pity.

At least the big white building of the hospital looks similar amidst all the change. He never liked hospitals much, too many bad memories in them, and the antiseptic smell makes him wrinkle his nose. At the hospital, Sakura takes charge. She gives orders to nurses, has a room prepared, and asks Sasuke all the necessary questions. Sasuke knows Sakura’s just trying to do her job, but still refuses to let her take Sarada from him. He sets the sleepy little girl on the hospital bed and hovers as Sakura runs through the necessary tests.

A nurse brings in an immunization and an IV. Sasuke tries not to laugh when both Naruto and Kakashi are shoved out into the hall by the nurse and her carts. The woman might watch him with suspicion, but so did all the shinobi they passed walking to the hospital. Sasuke hadn’t seen anyone he recognized anyway.

Sakura is gentle and soft as she explains what she’s doing to a barely listening Sarada. She hastily writes down a prescription and hands it off to the nurse to fill. The shot isn’t very big, but Juugo had taken Sarada to the clinic for her shots last time, so Sasuke isn’t too sure how Sarada feels about them.

“I’m gonna have to poke you, honey. I’ll sting for a little bit. This IV has to stay in too, okay. We’re gonna get you some medicine to help with your tummy too so you can eat something.”

Sarada huffs, “I’m not a baby. Shots don’t hurt a lot.”

Sasuke brushes her sweaty bangs away from her forehead, “No, you’re not a baby. Sakura is just explaining to you what she’s doing just in case you were scared. When you feel like eating do you wanna try okayu? Suigetsu said he couldn’t get you to eat all day, so you must be hungry.”

Sarada leans against Sasuke as Sakura adjusts the IV and tape in place, “Maybe, but I’m not scared, Papa.”

He kisses her head, “That’s good.”

Kakashi sliding open the door with a flourish instantly raises Sasuke’s hackles, but Sasuke knows showing a reaction would only encourage him. Kakashi was the type of man who loved to tease, poke, and prod, all while pretending he was doing no such thing. If he wanted validation for his nonsense, he should go to Might Gai. Sasuke wasn’t going to encourage him.

“Sasuke, now that Sarada’s in good hands I think it’s time we had a chat. Maybe we could head over to the Hokage Tower and---”

“No.”

Naruto sighs, “Sasuke, Kakashi is the hokage, although Old Lady Tsunade and Shikamaru are holding down the fort at the Tower right now and we really aren’t that far.”

For a brief moment, Sasuke wonders why Naruto isn’t hokage. He wonders where the boy who used to scream he would be hokage from the rooftops went, but brushes the thought aside.

“I said no,” Sasuke says, “If you want to talk then do it here. I’m not leaving Sarada’s side.”

Kakashi leans against the wall, “Fine, if you really want to discuss this in front of the kid.”

Sasuke frowns and moves his dozing daughter closer to his side. He’s not going anywhere.

Naruto flops down on the empty bed near the window, much to Sakura’s chagrin, and says, “Why’d you leave, Sasuke? Everyone wants to know what you’ve been up to and you just disappeared! I was worried you were dead or something.”

Sasuke snorts, “Yes, Naruto, _you_ were worried, but I’m sure that wasn’t the general consensus. My business is my own, but if you must know I have been pretty busy raising _my daughter._ I don’t need to tell you where I was because it doesn’t matter. I think it’s pretty clear why I left.”

“Did you think we were gonna leave you in that cell forever?”

“I didn’t want to be in there in the first place.”

“But you were, and yet you defied the terms set before you and broke out,” Kakashi interrupts, “Seems you’ve been living a nice and peaceful life, but you were expected to stay in the Leaf and serve as was your duty, Sasuke. I’m sure you had fun with your _team_ and traveling, but it’s time to come home.”

Sakura’s hand on his shoulder only makes Sasuke tense, “Sasuke, did you really not miss Konoha at all?”

Sasuke knocks her hand away and tries to push down his rising temper. He doesn’t know how he can make them see any more clearly. He doesn’t know how to make them understand.

“Slaughter the dogs and then want to chain the pup as a guard? Do you really not expect it to run at the first chance? No, I don’t miss Konoha. I miss what it had once been to me, but not any more. The Leaf is not my home anymore. To be honest with you, being in this village disgusts me. _I_ am fine as I am. _We_ are fine as we are.”

Naruto won’t meet Sasuke’s eye and Sakura flinches at his words, but Sasuke doesn’t regret saying them.

Kakashi looks at Sarada and asks, “do you really think it’s wise to raise her outside the village? It’s dangerous. There’s plenty of people who would do anything for the power of the sharingan and she isn’t anywhere strong enough to protect it herself. Sarada does still need to recover some, but even after it might be best for her to stay here in Konoha.”

“She is safe with me! I can protect her, and so can my team.’” Sasuke argues, “you think I don’t understand the dangers? I’ve raised her to understand the dangers that come with our name and our line. My team and I have all done the utmost we can to ensure her protection. You finding her alone, after breaking in mind you, was not a common occurrence. She may not be able to protect herself yet, but _I_ can. The best place for her is with me.”

Kakashi raises his hands placidly, “Ah, come on, don’t get all ruffled! No need for that. Just think reasonably, Sasuke.”

“I am, but you’re not fucking listening to me!”

Sakura says, “Sasuke, maybe Sarada could stay here until she’s older. She can go to school, make friends, and have stability. We heard about an Uchiha child from some captured missing-nin who heard from someone else. Sarada can be kept out of danger here and have some sense of normalcy.”

“She has stability with me! She is fine with me.” Sasuke feels as if he’s just talking in circles, “I can raise my own child and I don’t need any of your interference. We’ll be fine on our own.”

They all treat him like a child; worse a foolish child. Kakashi is the worst offender. Kakashi had always seemed to handle him with kid gloves, never understanding him aside from pushing his own trauma onto him. Sasuke almost pities him. Kakashi sees a failed version of himself when he looks at Sasuke, but Sasuke doesn’t. He isn’t Kakashi. Kakashi doesn’t understand him, and refuses to try. Kakashi is so loyal to the Leaf he can’t see _underneath the underneath_ , as he so often said. He doesn’t care about anything else aside from obtaining an asset for the Leaf village; a malleable potential sharingan-user.

They’re trying to control him.

Sasuke runs his hand through his daughter’s hair. She at least gets to blissfully sleep without having to hear all their nonsense. He doesn’t even want to hear it. He catches Naruto’s eyes. Naruto had never really seemed one for nervousness, but Sasuke knows him well even after all these years. A tight smile can’t hide his fidgeting and attempts to stare a hole into the ground.

“Naruto---please,” Sasuke pleads.

Naruto meets his gaze with an unknown look in his eyes. Sasuke doesn’t know if it’s pity, uncertainty, or pessimism mixed with a tinge of hope.

He never hated him. Even in his darkest moments, he couldn’t bring himself to say he fully hated Naruto. Naruto cared, for all his faults and ridiculous naivety. Sasuke knew Naruto’s heart well enough to say Naruto chased after him because he truly did care. Sometimes, Sasuke would wonder what could’ve been. Things always get muddled along the way. Naruto always used to say he never gave in, but Naruto couldn’t see his own faults. He’d give in if it meant acceptance because that was the one thing he truly craved above all else. Maybe Naruto could forgive the village for it’s treatment of him, but Sasuke couldn’t forgive.

Naruto’s eyes dart to Kakashi and Sakura, and Sasuke still didn’t hate Naruto.

Naruto replies, “Sasuke, I told you about your release being conditional. Kakashi can go over it with you more in depth with Shikamaru, but I know they have a mission for you. They said afterwards you’ll be allowed to remain out of the village so long as you keep in touch, but  Sarada needs to stay here for a while. I’m sorry.”

Sasuke didn’t hate him, but he thinks in that moment Naruto truly is an _idiot._

He mouths _coward_ at him, and ignore the guilt that creeps up when Naruto’s eyes turn melancholy.

Sasuke had long grown tired of guilt. They want him to feel guilty. They want him to repent and feel remorse. He won’t.

Kakashi says, “Councilmembers Mitokado and Utatane wished to be present at our discussion. That’s why I wanted to speak with you at the Tower. I’m not trying to be the bad guy here, but you have to understand the circumstances.”

Sasuke’s blood runs cold.

They want Sarada to keep him in check. They have an assurance the Uchiha bloodline would continue, while never having to admit they'd sacrificed his own family for their greater good. The Uchiha as a collective terrified them, but a lone Uchiha child is something useful. Sasuke terrifies them with the power he has now, but Sasuke sees the truth in Kakashi’s hard gaze. The Leaf isn’t above using his daughter to make sure he abides by their rules. The very councilmen, Homura Mitokado and Koharu Utatane, who supported Danzo in the Uchiha clan’s downfall stand undeterred in their power on Konoha’s council. Sasuke knows being in their very presence will make acid rise in his throat, and he’ll want nothing more than to spit it at their feet.

There’s no denying it.

Sarada is a hostage.

They’ll imprison him if he doesn’t comply with their demands.

When the hospital room door opens again, Sasuke already has a cold dismissal ready for whatever friend of Naruto’s that thinks they just _have_ to see if Sasuke is back. He’s pleasantly surprised when Juugo and Karin duck their heads into the room instead.

Karin says, “Oh good. Thought you and Sarada were in this room.”

Kakashi asks, “Did you have someone escort you into the village?”

“No, we snuck in.” Juugo replies.

Suigetsu walks into the room hesitantly. He has Sarada’s emergency bag and stuffed dinosaur in his arms. He sets the plushie next to Sarada, adjusting it so it’s tucked under her arm, before taking up guard near the door with Juugo. Sasuke nods at him. He’s still irritated with him for leaving Sarada alone, but understands his reasonings. Really, any irritation with his team can’t hold a candle to how he feels about the Leaf, so he can set it aside.

Karin sits down at the edge of Sarada’s bed. Kakashi tilts his head and hums contemplatively. Sasuke glares at him. He knows exactly what he’s thinking. Thankfully, Kakashi decides to keep silent. The situation is bad enough. He doesn’t need Sakura and Naruto  to start fussing because of Kakashi’s big mouth.

Sasuke finds solace in his team’s rage at the idea of Sarada staying in the Leaf.

They balk at Sasuke doing anything for Konoha, and for the Leaf believing they have any right to tell him what to do.

They hate that there’s nothing they can do.

They’re trapped.

 


	11. What Is Left Behind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel as if the work summary isn't that great, so that might change.

The very first moment his daughter was put into his arms, Sasuke never wanted to let go.

“It’s alright, Sarada. Everything’s going to be okay.”

He wonders if his father and mother felt the same. If they felt the same encompassing love for their children that he feels for his only daughter. He knows his mother did. She clung to Sasuke no matter how much he struggled for freedom. He wanted to be like his brother, like his father, and didn’t even notice his mother silently begging him not to go. His father never held onto him, like he believed he didn’t have a right to in the first place.

Sometimes, Sasuke thought of Itachi as his father’s son and himself as his mother’s.

He wonders if the betrayal itself hurt his father more than his eldest son’s sword through his back. Maybe he knew it was coming. Sasuke thinks no matter how much his father loved his clan, maybe he just couldn’t bare the thought of taking up arms against his own son more.

Sasuke knows he’d run a blade through his own belly before even thinking of putting his child to the sword

He never wants to hurt her, but he knows he is by leaving her.

Sasuke holds onto Sarada tightly, enveloping her with one arm against his chest, and tries not to think of the glistening of his own eyes. Sarada can cry enough for the both of them. She’s a child. She can cry. He won’t allow the Leaf his tears. They won’t see them; not today.

“I’ll come back. It’ll be alright. I promise.”

Sasuke doesn’t know for sure if he’s reassuring her, or trying to assure himself.

He followed Kakashi to the Hokage tower and listened as they rambled. Shikamaru seemed to have made himself comfortable in his position as the Hokage’s right hand man, but Sasuke wonders if he knows the truth. Shikamaru looks at him like a traitor, someone who disobeyed and left, but he wonders if Shikamaru also knows about the Uchiha. As children, Sasuke was indifferent to Shikamaru, mostly because he never knew what to think of him. He wonders if knowing the truth, Shikamaru’s analytical mind calculated the cost of the Uchiha to the Leaf and decided it was necessary.

Lectures on the Will of Fire go into one ear and out the other. He yawned when someone goes into a tirade on duty and honor, and smirks when it gets a chuckle out of the silent Tsunade. He wondered if she knew. Tsunade Senju shirked her own duty once out of grief, and even now foisted the hat onto Kakashi the first chance she got. Once she could, the hospital went to Sakura’s command.

Tsunade, whether she knows it or not, runs from the Leaf, drinking and gambling, the first chance she gets.

Tsunade didn’t say much during the discussion. He felt some solace by her suspicious glances at the councilman, but knows she probably wouldn’t back an impromptu assasination. She offered him a prosthetic she worked on, but he declined. Sarada didn’t like the chakra from Naruto’s own prosthetic arm, and Sasuke figured he’d done fine so far without one.

He gritted his teeth and talked around in circles throughout the interrogation. Sasuke won’t tell them where he was hiding. He won’t say who helped him. He won’t remain in the village after this one mission. He knows he’s irritated the councilmembers, but Kakashi just sighed and tried to keep the conversation moving. He requested his team accompany him, not wanting any Leaf shinobi slowing him down, and got Yamato assigned to accompany them.

The Leaf won’t keep his daughter from him forever. He’ll make sure of it.

They all feed their children into the darkness they want to run from, but don’t know how. They’re loyal because they know no other option and because they know other eyes are always watching for any doubt. Sasuke made his doubts known. He made it clear what the Leaf village’s ideals meant to him. Konoha killed his clan, even if it was Obito and Itachi wielding the swords. When the Uchiha questioned their place, regulated to lesser, even with so many eyes watching them they still went forward. The Uchiha were loyal, it meant safety, until that loyalty was no longer enough to quench the fear. Konoha killed his family. His daughter would never meet her grandparents. Sasuke had always known the Uchiha he’d lost, even if the memories faded, but Sarada had only truly known the Uchiha through the lack.

Now, Sasuke whispers that he loves her again and again as he kisses the top of her head. The gates of Konoha loom over them as Sasuke tries to reason with himself. He tells himself to release Sarada, to push her away towards Naruto and Sakura, but his hand shakes. Suigetsu never cared about anyone seeing him cry, and he doesn’t care now. Suigetsu rubs at his sniffling nose, Kubikiribōchō strapped comfortably on his back, while more tears leak out of his eyes. Karin already held Sarada close to her chest as they walked to the gates. Face now a healthy pink and steadily working back her appetite, Sarada recovered from her illness well, but Karin kept checking her over just in case.

Karin’s watches pale faced, as he struggles to let Sarada go, with one hand steady on Juugo’s arm. Juugo shakes with rage, barely keeping it underneath the skin, Sasuke can practically hear the grinding of his teeth. He knows Juugo is just barely on the knife’s edge of losing control, but is trying not to for Sarada’s sake. He only calms for a moment when he brings Sarada over to kiss his cheek. Kakashi tenses, but Sasuke knows better. Juugo wouldn’t hurt Sarada.

“I’ll be back soon. We’ll all come back as quick as we can. You be good and stay safe, okay.”

Sarada is smart enough to pick up the undying messages in his words. She must watch her words. She must keep close to Naruto. Naruto is the one most likely to set aside Konoha for Sasuke’s sake, even for a moment, if he can set aside his own fear first. Sasuke believes Naruto’s goodwill extends to his daughter. At the very least, he knows Naruto has no nefarious plans in mind. Naruto has false hopes of sacrificial forgiveness and letting go of the past, but that’s all. Sarada knows most of all that he and his team will come back for her, and that as soon as they do they’re gone.

Sasuke has to pry her fingers from his shirt before he sets her down. Her bottom lip trembles, but she wipes her tears with her sleeve and gives him a determined nod.

He kisses her forehead and runs his fingers through her hair.

“That’s my brave little girl. You’re an Uchiha. Don’t forget that. You’re strong. Just be patient, okay. I’ll come back to get you once this is done. I love you more than anything.”

Sarada kisses his nose, “I love you too, Papa. Be safe.”

It takes everything in him for Sasuke to turn around and walk out of the village without his daughter. He can feel the rage and indignation rolling off his team. They’re all familiar with anger; using it, and being buried in it. For a while, their peace allowed them to let it drift away. Rage replaced with the joy they found together and battle fervor for simple pleasures, but now it all comes rushing back.

Sasuke made his will pretty clear.

If Sarada is harmed, kept from him, or even killed, they’ll all know the depths of his personal rage. They’ll know how cruel Karin can be. He’ll allow Suigetsu to appease his buried bloodlust. He’ll let Juugo rampage without consequence.

Naruto didn’t bristle, seeming to expect it, when Sasuke grabbed him by the scruff of his shirt. Whispering in his ear, half-begging half-threatening, Naruto to protect his only child if their _bond_ had meant anything at all once.

Sasuke keeps walking away. Telling himself not to look back. If he does, he’ll try to grab Sarada, and try to run. He hears her quietly crying, muffling her sobs against her hands. Sasuke breaks into a run with his team in formation behind him. He tells himself it’s to make better time. He quickly wipes away the tears rolling down his cheeks as they run until he can’t hear Sarada crying anymore.

* * *

 

Naruto walks with Sarada in his arms. He bid Kakashi a farewell at the Hokage tower, and wiggled out of a childcare lecture from Sakura as she had to rush over to the hospital. Sarada lays against his shoulder like a rag doll as he situates her on his hip.

“You can stay at my apartment, Sarada. Sakura thinks its a good idea to switch between mine and hers though because she says you need a feminine influence or whatever. My apartment isn’t bad. I cleaned and everything and I’ve got some nice plants. I set out a futon for you, although Sakura has a spare room so maybe you’d wanna stay there more.”    

“I want my Papa,” Sarada mumbles.

Naruto’s smile falls for a split second before he says, “I know. I know you do. Sasuke will be back before you know it. Until then, you’re stuck with me though.”

Sasuke described Naruto to Sarada as being like the sun.

Sarada thinks of him, looking at the scruffy blonde man, that he is someone who had once been bright like the sun until they decided to rein it in. Naruto always seems to watch himself and his actions. His chakra is bright, that’s for sure, but it also gives off the feeling like someone had tried to put up curtains to block out the sun; to dim it’s brightness. He seems oddly tired. Sarada pokes at a shaving nick on his face, for lack of anything else to do, and tries to figure out the look in his eyes when he glances at her.

She wonders if he sees Sasuke, but there’s more to it than that she just doesn’t understand; like he lost something.

Naruto opens the door to his apartment dramatically.

“This is my home! You can put your pack and toy over there. Through that little hall there's the bathroom and my room is at the very end.”

Sarada sits at the scratched kitchen table while Naruto rushes around the kitchen, “I probably should’ve gone grocery shopping. I’ve been meaning to and Sakura would get onto me if I just gave you ramen for dinner. What sounds good to you, Sarada? What’s your favorite food?”

Sarada shrugs as Naruto takes a seat across from her.

“I remember your dad liked tomatoes as a kid.” Naruto asks, “If you like them then I can cook something with that?”

Sarada replies, “I don’t like tomatoes very much.”

Naruto’s confusion and tentativeness about her uncooperativeness aren't enough of a deterrent against him trying to build a common ground.

“I know you miss your dad, Sarada,” Naruto says, “I missed him a lot too, but now I’m just glad to know he’s okay. Don’t be sad, kiddo. How about you come have a look around Konoha with me when we get some things for dinner?”

Sarada looks at the expansive village from Naruto’s kitchen window. As much as she doesn’t want to be in Konoha, she is curious about it.

“How about I look around the village while you shop? I won’t get lost and if I lose my way I can come back here. I’ll be good and won’t wander too far. I just wanna explore.”

Naruto rubs the back of his neck, “I don’t know---”    

Sarada widens her eyes and sticks out her lower lip, “Please. Pretty please.”

Sarada watches Naruto crack quicker than her father or Suigetsu ever did.

“Okay, but I think we should have red bean soup if not ramen.”

Sarada can see why Sasuke also described Naruto as someone who smiles even when it hurts.

Konohagakure isn’t the largest village Sarada has been in. She’d passed through a few cities with her family, and Crescent Moon Island had been a bustling tourist spot. Shinobi villages hadn’t been as commonplace. Seeing the place her father had grown up still kept her head swiveling around trying to take it all in. As she walks, Sarada’s thoughts turn to her family; her father in particular. Sasuke enjoys peaceful walks, and Sarada always liked trailing after him when he went walking. More often than not, she’d end up clinging to his neck piggybacking the rest of the way home.

Sarada passes through a few districts before her feet lead her towards the edge of the village. She knows she won’t make it out of the gates, and Sasuke told her to be good. She still steps carefully through the brush and the trees. It doesn’t look like there is much around aside from rubble and scrap. Sasuke had told her someone called Pein had leveled the village once. It looks as if some of the skeletons of the destroyed buildings remained.

The desolate, empty, feeling isn’t abated by the everyday sounds of the village not far away.

It’s so empty, and Sarada feels as if it shouldn’t be.

Shadows in the corner of her eye, but nothing when she turns to look make her question whether the place is truly abandoned. Whispers on waves of whispers; sounding as if there’s something that could be nothing. Sarada’s mind goes to the horror movies Suigetsu likes, but she quickly pushes the thought away. Those movies always scared her.

The air feels almost humid, even though it had been a nice day. Sarada coughs to clear her throat. She feels as if she’s choking, but there’s nothing there. It hurts. An oppressive feeling of sadness, anger, and emptiness continues to grow the further she walks over weeds and broken wood. It isn’t until Sarada sees a partially standing stone wall she realizes where she is.

Faded by weather and time, a chipped Uchiwa symbol is still visibly painted on the stone.

It is what remains of the Uchiha compound.

Before she left, Sarada had asked her father if there was an Uchiha memorial. With clenched teeth, he told her there wasn’t. When the Uchiha died, the grief of the village left as quickly as it came. People moved on. Shinobi villages adapted well after all, but the village itself did nothing for those who died. Sasuke had been too young and grieving to think much on it at the time, but the Leaf just didn’t want a marker of what had happened. It was easier for everyone to sweep the Uchiha massacre under the rug. Sarada asked about the KIA Memorial Stone, but Sasuke shook his head again. The Uchiha during the massacre weren’t killed in action, but at home.

Sarada presses a hand against her chest to ease the tightness building.

Her eyes itch.

She wonders if her father had seen what had become of it.

The aching feeling doesn’t leave her as she drags her feet back to Naruto’s house. She mechanically eats dinner, letting Naruto’s chatter wash over her, and doesn’t bother answering in anything but monosyllables when Sakura and Kakashi both pop in. They ask what she thinks of Konoha. She just says it’s fine. When she takes her bath, Karin isn’t there to wash her back. Juugo isn’t there to comb through her tangled wet hair. Suigetsu isn’t there to sneak her a quick dessert before she brushes her teeth. Sasuke isn’t there to tuck her in and kiss her goodnight.

Naruto lingers after she gets settled in her futon, but his goodnight is quick and almost bashful before he rushes to his own bedroom.

The futon and comforter are soft and thick, but seem cold to Sarada. She burrows into the blankets, her stuffed animal under one arm, and closes her eyes. She doesn’t think she’ll be able to sleep, but still decides to try. Sarada coughs and rubs her eyes. They itch, her head hurts, and the weird feeling in the air is back.

No sleep will be forthcoming like this.

Her eyelashes flutter open only to see what she recognizes, from description and a few battered smuggled pictures, as Uchiha Mikoto and Uchiha Fugaku kneeling over her.

She forgets about Naruto when she opens her mouth and screams.

 


End file.
